I have been really down today...
My weekend has kind of sucked. I am wondering if my depression is coming back. I sure hope not.
Late this afternoon I read the blog that my brother-in-law created last years after my sister died last December. There were some new entries this week.
One where Paula had created these things she called letterboxes. She would create these handmade return-addressed postcards decorated using her enormous rubber stamp collection. She would send this out to friends of hers all over the world. Her friends would hide them in various places. The people that found them were to write a note of who they were, and when and where they found it, then send it back. Two of them arrived this week. My sister did some really cool shit. It amazes me still how she found the time.
Another entry was that John and Katie and a bunch of friends buried some of Paula's ashes in a plot in a park in Ann Arbor. John wanted to do this so that he has a peaceful place to go and talk to her. I wish I could have been there. They are planning on planting 1000 Daffodil bulbs for Paula somewhere nearby as well. Apparently they have done this together in the past just to make Ann Arbor even prettier. I will be there in about 6 weeks for my other sister's birthday. I'm sure we'll make the rounds.
Reading about this really brought everything to a head. Then of course my ex brings my kids over to pick some stuff up. I don't like my kids to see that I've been crying. I explained what was going on, but I don't really like to talk when I am like this.
11 comments:
Hey Jon,
I'm sorry you're feeling down. You know, you can have your own special memorial for your sister without actually being 'there'... I really believe that our passed over loved ones can hear us anywhere we are.
I wish you well in recovering from your sadness.
{{hugs}}
Sending you the best thoughts Jon, always. My sentiments in email to you...
I have shown them "my emotional side" far too much. My oldest son is so empathetic that I feel like he worries about me too much. I should be the one worrying about him.
Word Verification fun:
trpoo
I'm not even going to say anything
Wicked!!!
Running would require physical exertion.... YIKES!
Just kidding. I would have gone for a bike ride yesterday, but it was DAMN cold. Time for another blanket on the bed too.
So sorry you're feeling sad.
Sometimes, though, you need to feel sad for a bit in order to heal a litle bit more. You might come out the other end feeling a little better.
I hope so, anyway.
Terry
i lost my sister in '98 and it still hurts sometimes. hang in there, it'll get better.
my new blog friend, i so understand on not wanting the kids to see your tears. it's hard for them to understand. but beyond that, take the thoughts of your sister and remember! remember the good times, the thoughts that make you smile and make your heart beat. the sadness won't go away, but the more good memories you remember, the better it may start to feel. and please, by all means share. she sounds like she was a great woman.
Thank you all for your kind words. My sister was the greatest. The planet is less cool without her.
Thanks for all you newbies for stopping in. Sorry you didn't come by on a happy day. Hmmmm HNT is coming up :D
Dwell on good things, like your children. Rent funny movies. Do what you can to concentrate on the good things in life. Do really fun stuff in her honor. She would want you to live like that!
Looking at the comments, it's gotta cheer you up to have so many attractive female viewers. :o)
Sorry to see that you are hurting. I believe that real men show emotion, even if it's tearful. Don't worry about the impression you give your kids: it helps them see that you are human.
oh hon - god, i know those moments where it sneaks up and kicks the wind outta you, just out of nowhere. the surprise moments where the reality is sharp and pointy and cutting...more present than other times.
i still get those 6 years later.
sometimes it like a hole in your chest with the wind blowing through it, and it feels like the combo of hollowness and wind will knock you right over.
let your self feel it. its also good that your kids are learning that grieving is normal and okay. i understand yuo hate having them see that, but it teaches them a much more important life lesson than the stuffing away of emotions approach.
sending you big hugs, hon. i get it.
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