Feeling Good

I am getting older...

Today is my birthday, and nobody realizes it is. I like it that way.

I feel weird telling people it's my birthday, so I don't. Regardless I have received a number of e-mails, IMs, and eCards today, 90% of which are from people that have never met me. They probably only know it's my birthday because MySpace, or some other site told them. I do appreciate the well wishes.

The guys generally couldn't give a damn (for the most part). I know the guys I work with would probably have bought me lunch, but I don't like it when anyone makes a big deal over me. Maybe its my social anxiety.

Birthdays don't really bring me happiness. They haven't for many years.

On a good note...


I mentioned back in September that I have been working out. At that point I had been going to the gym in our building for a little over a month. Jason at work, who is also a friend, really motivates me. There are days that I can't go down to the gym in our building because of meetings and such. He definitely doesn't hound me about it, but he reminds me to get my ass down there.

This gym is quite nice. It isn't huge, but it has a lot of really good equipment. One room is full of weight lifting equipment, and the other has treadmills, elliptical machines, stationary bikes, etc. I mostly do the weight machines, but 1 or 2 days a week I'll get in some time on a bike.

I think I have only missed one work day of working out in the past 3 weeks. I am at the point where it feels good to get exercise everyday. This is totally foreign to me. I've never been much into this. I think the last time I got into any regular amount of physical exertion was when I was in college and my roommate and I played racquetball a couple times a week.

A few weeks ago Jason put up a challenge to me and the other guys in my department that have been working out. The challenge is that we need to lift the full stack of weights on one machine. We only had to lift it once. We get to choose which machine. We had through December to work up the strength to do it.

I have pretty strong legs. I was pretty sure I could already do one lift of the stack on the leg press, I was already doing full sets of 8 reps at close to the full stack. So Monday I proved I could do it. I think that is equivalent to about 220 pounds. I then decided to try this on the rest of the leg machines. I was successful on all 3. Somehow I felt this wasn't a good test for me since my legs have always been pretty strong.

I knew that the bench press machine was something I could not do a few months ago. My boss, who doesn't look very big came down to ask me something while we were down there. I think he also wanted to check out the gym. He sat down in his Dockers and dress shirt, and easily lifted the 200 pounds on that machine. The whole stack. My jaw dropped. After he left I sat down and tried. I couldn't even budge it. I felt puny.

When Jason made the challenge I had it in the back of my head that the bench press was one that I was not going to be able to do. I worked on it every other day, and although I was able to lift a lot more I didn't think I could do it.

Today it was just me and Jason. I was feeling good, except for my left shoulder I have to baby a little because of an ATV injury from about 7 years ago. I made some comment about the bench being my nemesis the other day. He told me I was full of shit, and that he thought I could lift the whole thing.

I got on the bench this morning. I was lifting a few plates less than the max (goal) to see how it felt. "POP" went my right shoulder. What the hell was with that? I set it back down and walked away. My shoulder didn't hurt, it just freaked me out a little. I did a few other machines and it felt fine.

I psyched myself up to give it another try. I told Jason what I was doing. He came over to encourage me. I decided to just jump to the max and give it a shot. He kept telling me it was easy. I did it!!! One clean rep of 200 pounds. It seemed a lot easier than I thought it would be.

Hurray for me! I am older and stronger than I have ever been.

Delays, and more delays

****** UPDATED ******

See the added photo of the face...

It's been way too long since I posted.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I had a good time hanging out with my brother and his friends. Lots of booze, food, and football. I started drinking at 10:30 when I got to Mike's house. I was immediately handed a very tasty Bloody Mary.

Football that day sucked (for me).

I had the pleasure of playing host to a friend of mine the previous weekend. I had tickets for a comedy show the night she flew in, so we went to see Rodney Carrington. I needed a date since I bought the tickets months ago and MS and I are no more. It was a great show.

We did some sight seeing the next day. Something I don't do much of here in Colorado Springs, but I couldn't have a friend in town and not show the the Garden of the gods. Here are a couple pictures.

I love the soft focus effect here... but actually I think that was because my lens is dirty.


A picture of me, since it is so rare that I like a picture of me.



Can you see the indian face on the rock formation? The Ute Indians named the park. Obviously we white people translated the name.

Check out the rock climbers sitting on top of that out cropping
Now can you see the face?

On to Christmas...

My son, the drummer

Stacy let loose all the pride that she has over her son. I started telling her about my son, and realized I was just gushing on about him to the point that it was really my own post. So I decided to put it here instead.

Kevin, My oldest, who turns 15 in a couple weeks, was interested in playing drums back in 6th grade. His mom and I were against him playing drums. I tried and failed to get him to follow in my footsteps and play trombone. I didn't push very hard. He decided on trumpet, which I knew was going to be a decision he might regret. Trumpet and drums are the 2 most popular. He was not the best trumpet player, but he was far from worst. We never had him take private lessons. We should have.

He asked again to play drums a little over a year ago. My ex and I decided then that it would be okay, but knew his teacher wouldn't let him play in the band as there were already WAY too many "drummers" in the band His middle school was way over populated. But she did encourage him, which I appreciated. We started him in lessons. My ex-mother-in-law bought him a drum kit (which stays at my ex's house). He did very well in his first year of lessons. I sat in on a lesson one day. I was absolutely amazed how well he played.

My son has a few friends that formed a little garage band. They knew Kevin took lessons, but never heard him play. Kevin's drummer friend let him play on a couple songs. They were amazed at how good he was considering he's never played drums in a band. Kev isn't joining their band. Who needs 2 drummers (besides .38 Special)? But it got him really excited that he could play with others his own age.

Kevin took time off from the lessons due to baseball and vacations in the spring and summer, but is back at it. His drum instructor decided to move to a new location, just a couple miles away (WOOHOO! No having to cart him half way across town at rush hour).

His grades are excellent (not straight As, but damn close), he is athletic, a musician, and is in general a really great kid. What more can a parent ask?

Here he is in his Halloween costume.



Oh, and he has a truly great personality and sense of humor.

YEAH KEVIN!!!

Sigh

Ever since my divorce I knew that there was someone out there that would feel for me the way I deserved. My dating "career" if you will has been filled with some very interesting times. I have met some really incredible ladies, a couple of which I fell for head over heels. Those feelings are always intense, incredible, and always welcomed.

Unfortunately those few times I felt that the feelings have either faded, or were abruptly changed by other emotions. Some have said it's because I get scared. I guess that may be a part of it, but I don't think that is all, or even a major part.

MS is a great lady, and a lot of fun to be around. But ever since getting ready for the trip to Maine this past July I've been having serious doubts as to our compatibility. I broke up with her.
I know I alluded to the fact that there was drama during our Maine trip when I posted way back when. I decided I didn't need to give you the details. But ever since that trip my feelings have been affected. It has a lot to do with the kids. While I made it no secret that her son is a problem, she never took the steps to deal with it. He is very ADD (I think I mentioned this a while back). Not only does this condition cause a strain with me and my kids, but she has to deal with him to get him to chill out. Then there is the effect it has on his school work. We had discussed his needing to be back on the ADD meds, but even though she said she would do it, it never happened.

This is a big problem for me. She has basically given up trying to help him have a good life. He is not stupid, his teachers even agree. It just seems to me that your child's well being should be your focus. Instead she would sometimes come spend the night with me while her 15 year old was home alone. I had assumed he was with his dad, but found out afterwards he wasn't.

So my feelings for her have gotten to the point where I know we don't have a future. It is very sad for me to even type that. Part of me feels like I failed in some way. Why do I find it so hard to break up with someone when other guys I know do it with such ease. Do I ever want to be like that? Probably not.

I felt a lot of depression coming on for the last couple months. I know the relationship had a lot to do with it. Or maybe it was what I knew about what I needed to do, but was avoiding. Now that it's over I feel even worse.