tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-109144882024-03-13T20:42:42.603-06:00Kick in the pantsAs the old man used to always say, "That kid needs a swift kick in the pants"Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.comBlogger287125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-27710063856702051242018-08-31T18:15:00.002-06:002018-08-31T18:15:50.628-06:003 Years later... Does anybody read this shit anymore?I hope everyone is doing well.<br />
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My life has hardly changed in 3 years. It's kind of depressing. It needs to change.<br />
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Since my last posts, which is now ancient history...<br />
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Work is a mess. Nothing new there except my entire department, except for one guy, is gone. Lay-offs and resignations have gutted our department and now almost all of the work falls on my lap. I am not happy.<br />
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I ordered a Tesla Model 3. I stood in line back on March 31, 2016 to be one of the first to reserve one. I still don't have it, but it should be here in the next month or 2.<br />
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To go along with that, I have decided to put solar panels on the house. I can't wait for that to get installed in November.<br />
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My dating life is depressing...<br />
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When I last posted there was this non-relationship with Susan. That never changed. What did happen was more baseball trips and a lot of fun.<br />
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Unfortunately I ruined our friendship in ways. I started dating someone a couple years ago. Susan met her and loved her. But of course I had a problem. The girlfriend was a financial wreck. After dealing with a couple really bad decisions of hers that ended up costing me a lot of money to clear up, I decided a serious relationship was not going to work for me. This actually upset Susan in a couple different ways. She really liked how the gf and I were. She really was a great girlfriend outside of the messed up financial issues. This also made Susan think that I'm an idiot. We didn't argue about it, but it didn't feel good to have my friend not back me up on this. I guess it is the woman perspective that gets in the way.<br />
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Susan and I still did things together, but much less than before. She had a party/game night at her place, and was trying to set me up with a new friend, Lori. She seemed nice, so I asked her out to dinner. Well... dinner was OK, but I just didn't feel anything for her. I got the impression she wasn't into me either. We never went out again. I think this bothered Susan a lot, or maybe I read into her reaction.<br />
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Susan and I saw even less of each other...<br />
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Then a few months later I started going hiking with an old girlfriend, also named Susan. I'll call her SK. Well, SK and I had a relationship back number of years that only lasted about 3 months. I am sure I blogged about it in some fashion. She was extremely jealous.<br />
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This time SK was very grounded, and no pressure. But I have note taken it to any level in the last year due to the fact that she is also a financial mess. I have let it just stay on cruise control, going in a straight line. We don't have sex, but enjoy each others company. But I can't get past the financial shit. She seems fine with a non-sexual relationship, but this is very hard to deal with.<br />
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Lately I have been depressed and not wanting to deal with SK at all. So we've not seen each other in over a month. We still send texts back and forth, but that's it.<br />
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I have not seen Susan since New Years Eve. We don't even talk. I find myself missing her a lot, but afraid to send her a text, or call. I am in a deep funk.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-81240135426058011842015-08-18T20:40:00.002-06:002015-08-18T20:40:55.504-06:00My mind is wandering... FWB?This impending conversation with Susan has me thinking too much. I know she enjoys my friendship and is annoyed by everyone asking about us. I blame all of this on Facebook. We all want to take pictures when we're doing something fun. She and I have had an awful lot of fun these past few months. I am quite certain that she wants to keep doing things together. But what could it be? This has kept me up thinking the past couple nights.<br />
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She and I have some very frank conversations. We talk about movies, music, geeky stuff, our kids, our divorces. We've also talked about our sex lives in relatively general terms, but one conversation a couple months ago had to do with "friends with benefits". She was not referring to me specifically, or anyone one else. It was just a subject in a conversation. She seemed okay with it. Although I have done this with a woman a number of years ago, I wasn't sure it can ever end up good for either party. We just had a conversation about it. There was nothing flirty, or suggestive in the tone.<br />
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I personally have mixed feelings about it. In my last instance in this area, the woman I was dating just wasn't right for me. I knew that eventually it would end badly, so I ended it before it went bad. She then suggested a friends with benefits arrangement. I hadn't done that as an on going thing before, so I had to think about it, and it intrigued me. We tried it, but I had one rule, if either of us starts dating someone else and sex is involved, we had to stop. She agreed.<br />
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The trouble with this is my heart wasn't in it. The sex was fun, but I felt very empty about it. It lasted a couple months, and I could tell she was getting too attached. Expecting me to call her, etc. This was where it began to look like she was way more into me than I was her. I did start dating someone around that time, and although the new girl and I hadn't gotten had sex yet, I had to end things with the FWB.<br />
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I feel like I let her down, even though that was the arrangement. She continued to say she was OK with it, but I had to eventually tell her to stop calling, as I was getting more serious with the new girlfriend.<br />
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Because of that conversation that Susan and I had a couple months ago, I am wondering if that is where she wants this to go. Although I want to get closer to Susan, is this what I want? Am I going to be the disappointed one this time? Probably.<br />
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I don't know how I would respond to that... which is haunting me. Then again, it may be something completely different.<br />
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<br />Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-86773449756815430522015-08-17T00:30:00.000-06:002015-08-17T00:30:01.364-06:00Friends help you heal, but what is this?I have known Susan for a few years now. She has always been very nice to me, but then she is nice to everyone. Over the last couple years she and I would talk at events. During these discussions I got the impression that I am not her type, and she doesn't use Meetup as a means to date. One thing I do know is she has a lot of guy friends. Since I have a number of girl friends (2 words), I didn't think anything of it. So I figured that we would just be friends. We talked about our kids quite a bit. She knew my ex-girlfriend, Laura through other meetups. Laura and I eventually got back together, and Susan and her became friends.<br />
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After Laura and my breakup, as well as Susan breaking up with her boyfriend around the same time, we stayed friends. She and I talked about Erik playing baseball in the Spring, and she asked to come to a game. This very much surprised me. Not too many people that you're just getting to know want to do something like that, especially a woman you aren't dating.<br />
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Well, it turns out she is a BIG baseball fan. She met me at one game, and soon after invited me to a Rockies game. This past spring she came to 3 of my son's games, and we went to at least a couple Rockies games. <br />
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We learned a lot about each other, like although she is into sports, especially baseball, she is also quite the geek. There was a discussion about the Marvel movies, and then soon after we were also going to movies.<br />
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One night at dinner she was telling me how she is trying to see a major league baseball game at every park in North America. I was a bit taken back by this, but the more I listened the more fun it sounded. She was going to be doing a stretch of about 3 weeks where she would hit 11 stadiums. I mentioned something about always wanting to see a game at Wrigley Field, so she invited me to meet her in Chicago for the game.<br />
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This soon evolved into seeing games in Atlanta, Chicago, and Cincinnati. Unfortunately she was hurt playing flag football, so we just made it to just Atlanta and Chicago. It was kind of a mad rush from place to place, but it was also one of the best trips I had ever taken. We also learned that we travel well together.<br />
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While on this trip she was talking about going to Boston to see a game before the end of the season. I mention how much I would love that, but I could not do that without taking Erik, as he is a HUGE Red Sox fan. She thinks Erik is awesome, and said to bring him. I surprised Erik with this as an 18th birthday present at the end of September.<br />
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The whole summer has been a great time, mostly because of spending a couple days a week with Susan. The problem is I have developed feelings for her. I have been pushing those thoughts aside, but then she also seems to be having those feelings. Most people would ask why is that a problem. Well, Susan and I have talked, and although we have so many great things in common, we have very different dating styles. Plus she keeps repeating how I am not tall enough.<br />
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Don't misunderstand, I have not made a move to elevate this to another level. But I think it is going that way on it's own. She is being a lot more "touchy feely", and her hugs at the end of the night tend to last a lot longer now. There was also a night last week where she had this look like I should kiss her, but I resisted.<br />
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A "friend" of ours, Tina (mostly a friend of Susan) was hounding us one night. Tina said to me that she didn't want me to get hurt. Although it was nice, it was kind of a butting in where she doesn't belong. Susan said that Tina had pulled her aside and said relatively the same thing to her. Tina said that she can see that I am interested in Susan as more than just friends. I told her there was nothing to worry about, but she kept pushing.<br />
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A little background here, Tina was once interested in me. I barely even like her, so there's that.<br />
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We met a few days later, with Tina, to watch the UFC fights. I'm not really into it, but figured at a sports bar there would also be some baseball to watch. Tina started in again about Susan and I, and Susan got pissed off. We eventually left. Susan almost ended their friendship, but didn't.<br />
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Susan met me for sushi and a movie the other night. As we sat and ate, she said she wanted to talk about us. My reaction was, "OK". She said she feels like she needs to put parameters around things. She wasn't going into specifics, as she was nervous about it. She was trying to see if I understood, but without knowing what the parameters were, I couldn't give her a straight answer. I told her that I don't normally have to think about parameters with my friends. I kind of feel like if she wants to take beyond friends, to a more intimate relationship, then she has to say it.<br />
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Unfortunately, we lost track of time and had to get to the movie. We didn't finish it afterwards either. But she did send me a text about needing to finish that conversation.<br />
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So... To Be Continued<br />
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<br />Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-30362006727802261062015-08-16T11:04:00.000-06:002015-08-16T11:04:17.362-06:00Just friends...Carla contacted me a few months ago, out of the blue. She is an ex-girlfriend of a friend of mine. He is not a close friend. Apparently things did not end well between them, and I am not one to pry, so I haven't. I just know that he also dated my friend Lolly a few years ago, and I know all too well how that ended. I know he seems completely against getting married again, and he tends to not stay with someone for more than 6 months or so. I am fairly sure this is what happened again.<br />
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She asked if I wanted to get together. Carla very specifically said "as friends", and to just get out and do things. I find it fairly easy to be friends with women, and <u>not</u> think of it as an avenue of a future romantic relationship. Most people don't understand how I can do that. That being said, this feels different.<br />
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We started out with a movie, and have met a few times for happy hour. She is ok with tagging me in a Facebook "check-in", as long as we are with others, but doesn't do it when it is just us. Does she not want to start the rumor mill going. Regardless, I don't care.<br />
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One of the things I do know, is that she is a Republican. It's kind of unavoidable here in this town. We are the conservative hub of Colorado (another reason to eventually move to Denver). But clearly I can have a relationship with a woman with opposing political views. If she happens to be extremely religious on top of that, I am going to have to pass.<br />
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She joined my gym, which is great. It has helped to motivate me to go more often. We had been going at least twice a week, but it has trickled off since she went on vacation. Maybe she only joined to get toned up for wearing a bikini on the beach.<br />
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One happy hour we were at with friends, she got pretty toasted, so I waited with her until she was able to drive. She was a lot more touchy-feely than in the past which makes me wonder if she is changing her mind about the just friends idea.<br />
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I have mixed feelings about her, so I will not push this.<br />
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Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-38192271094627137962015-08-16T09:43:00.003-06:002015-08-16T09:43:49.538-06:00Spending time with my son<div dir="ltr">
My youngest son, Erik, is 17 years old. He'll be 18 in October. He still likes doing things with me; board games, going to movies, watching our favorite TV shows. But as with every kid this age I see him being more independent, and spending more time with his friends. </div>
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Erik and I have a good relationship, but his smart ass attitude makes it difficult to really have a good talk with him. We're trying to figure out colleges and such. He just started his senior year, and his grades are not stellar, so our options will be limited (as is my ability to help pay for school). I would really like for him to stay here and go to the local community college and transfer to a CU branch, but I'm not sure that is where he wants to go. I have floated the idea of CSU in Pueblo. I have also talked about one of the schools in Denver, since I eventually want to move closer to work.</div>
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Then I wonder if I should just cut the umbilical, and let him go. </div>
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My oldest brother told Erik that he could stay with them if he wanted to go to a Connecticut school, which he is considering. The thought of him being that far as away created a lot of anxiety for me, but being with family would not be a bad thing. Maybe I've just being overly clingy to him lately. We'll see how this year moves along.</div>
Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-30686195487739178412015-02-06T13:50:00.003-07:002015-02-06T14:10:54.155-07:00Coming out of the fog...I am finally feeling normal again. Depression and anxiety sure do take its toll at times.<br />
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The lady that cuts my hair, is a very good friend. I met her a few days after the first time LaLa and I broke up (about 2 years ago). I knew I liked Tiffany, but was in a bad place at the time. After I was out of the funk I looked her up on Facebook. Unfortunately, she was married.<br />
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She has been wanting to set me up with some of her friends (one mentioned in my last post). I am very hesitant to go for a fix up. The last time it happened it turned out sooo badly after a couple months. I guess I am a little more open to it right now, but I am going to be very selective on the type of people friends set me up with.<br />
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I am not sure why she did this, but she pointed out a friend of hers on Facebook. I checked her out. She is very pretty, has a good job, but lives in California. I had to ask Tiffany if this lady was planning on moving here. Apparently not. I don't quite understand why she thinks this makes for a good relationship. I jokingly asked her if she was trying to get me to leave town. The last thing I need to add to my anxiety is a long distance relationship.<br />
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Last weekend another friend wanted our group of friend to meet her at a local restaurant in our neighborhood. Tiffany brought a girlfriend with her, and gave me a look like "you're gonna like this one". Oh my god, the pressure. I did hear her tell Tiffany that she was right, that I was quite the smart ass. Tiffany is obviously working both ends of this. Fortunately, I did like her. Unfortunately, that was a terrible location with a load of loud friends to get to know someone. This lady had to leave early. I guess she lives in Denver.<br />
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I have not heard from Tiffany about what her friend thought. Maybe I should just take it as her friend not liking something about me, which is fine. But I would like to know, either way.<br />
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<br />Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-11698986128579745612015-01-14T16:33:00.001-07:002015-01-14T16:33:57.413-07:00Making it through...This has been a difficult relationship to get past. I kept getting reminded of the final day of it by our mutual friends being nosy and wanting to know what happened. I don't really go into any detail as it really isn't their business. A few close friends saw it coming, since LaLa was never very nice to me in public. My friend Lolly asked me numerous times, including in front of LaLa, why I put up with her shit.<br />
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I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately because these reminders would make me run the whole scene in my head. This would tense me up and get my mind spinning. Thoughts of, Oh, I should have said this, or that would run through my head. I have also had multiple dreams where we have gotten back together. I wake up and quickly realize it was just a dream. I truly have no desire to get back into a relationship with her. We still have not spoken since.<br />
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The anger is pretty much gone. I am now just at an uncomfortable point where I don't want to go to Meetup events where I know she will be there. It might require us clearing the air sometime, before I am comfortable with being in the same room.<br />
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Luckily I have many friends. Some groups of friends are in different circles than her closer friends. But I kind of do feel like I have lost a number of friends over this. There is a lot of indifference on my part as for whether I should even try to salvage a friendship for the sake of comfort in groups of friends.<br />
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Now there is the matter of other lady friends wanting to fix me up. I am 90% against it. It is more from a point of preserving our friendships than anything else. Meaning, if things go south, it could cause an impact on our friendships.<br />
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I have 2 different lady friends who want to set me up with the same lady. I met this lady at a birthday party a while back. It's hard to say if it's just my current state of mind, or what, but I am really not interested in her. She is a very nice person, but I think I am being hyper critical of all issues I have already seen. That tells me I should not be dating anyone.<br />
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So in the mean time I am going to photography classes and meetups, trying to improve my abilities. I feel a bit unfocused (so to speak) in this hobby, as I don't try to concentrate on any one genre of photography. I want to learn it all, yet I don't have enough time for all of that. I am going to dive into marco photography for the upcoming spring blooming. New equipment should be here Friday. I spend way too much money on this hobby.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-92033264504897564662014-12-20T14:08:00.000-07:002015-02-06T14:09:13.785-07:00Another one bites the dust<div dir="ltr">
Don't let the title fool you, I'm not that callous about this.</div>
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I had been in a relationship that started out years earlier just as friends. You can read the one post I made about it <a href="http://jonslifecontinued.blogspot.com/2012/08/friends-for-years.html">here</a>.</div>
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Laura (LaLa) and I have had a fairly difficult relationship. I cared for her very much, and at one point was seriously considering popping the question. But things happen in a relationship that make you re-think things. This has happened to me many times over the last 2 and a half years. I admit that there are times that I over-think things. I try to just enjoy what I have. Unfortunately, those things that nag you in the back of your mind can be spot on.</div>
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Everyone's personalities are all very different, and sifting through the various styles, opinions, and quirks can be difficult to navigate at times. Laura is one of those people that relates to people in different ways. Many people love her. She has a fun personality when out with a group of friends. She is very boisterous, crude and always the center of attention. She says what she means no matter what others might think. Many people love that. Some people immediately dislike her because of this. I was one of the former.</div>
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Then of course there are times when she doesn't like someone. If that is the case, you will be ignored. If you are one of these people, just want to fit in and try to get along, this will irritate her. Many times to the point where she will just get in your face. It is hard to watch this when it happens. Over the last couple years I have seen it happen far too often. She has even alienated her best friend, Linda. They no longer speak because of Laura verbally attacking a guy that Linda was dating. She has little to no tact, and doesn't understand how she has lost some of her closest friends over the last couple years.</div>
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You can't change a leopard's spots.</div>
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She has told me over the years that until she moved here she mostly had close guy friends. Now that I have some hindsight I know that it is because her girl friends got tired of her judgmental shit. She is the most stubborn person I think I have ever known, and expect everyone to either bend to her will, or not call her out on her shit.</div>
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My other friend by the name of Laura (Lolly) has gotten pissed at her MANY times. But I think she just chooses to forgive her. Lolly takes it extremely hard when she loses a friend, and avoids it, even when staying friends means subjecting yourself to a load of negativity pointed right at you.</div>
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Over this past year LaLa and I have had some very rough spots. I ended things back in January for many of the same reasons I broke things off this time. She tried to treat me better, and at times I really felt good about things, but then she would just come down on me with her bullshit so hard that it was very difficult to keep my heart into this relationship.</div>
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It has also felt like she was trying to keep us together for very selfish reasons. Not because she necessarily loved me. I know she cared about me, but most of the time it seemed like she didn't dare show me. When I asked her about it, she fully admitted that she had her guard up and kept me at arms length, so to speak.</div>
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I was dealing with this knowledge for a while, and we were having minor arguments stemming from that every couple weeks. Part of me wanted to keep on trying to see if this relationship could be fixed, but then the hammer fell...</div>
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I accidentally broke a Halloween decoration of hers that was hanging in the garage as I was leaving one night. I was unaware that I did this, but when she told me in a text as I was heading home, I knew that I must have. After explaining that I didn't know I had done that, apologized, and said I would replace it, she went off. I called to calm things down, but it just got way worse.</div>
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Suffice it to say that I don't like being scolded like I'm a 15 year old kid. She wouldn't tell me what the exact item was that I broke, so I ordered 3 items with 2 day shipping, so that it would get to her before the party she was having. I am sure I spent a lot more than what ever I broke was worth. Part of me was hoping she would call me up to apologize for how she reacted, knowing her as long as I have, I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen. After all this and the struggles I've been having with her, I finally gave up on trying to make the relationship work.</div>
Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-62152175103821355182014-12-10T23:05:00.001-07:002014-12-17T15:16:15.508-07:002 Years have gone by...<div dir="ltr">
The past couple years have be filled with all kinds of good and bad. This will just be an update of what's been going on<br />
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Work has been a struggle at times. The drive I used to have, which would make me go above and beyond has pretty much left me. I put in my 40 hours, and I don't volunteer for any new tasks. There have been too many times that my upper management would suggest we make some changes, and then fail to support any changes once we identify what can be done.<br />
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As far as my love life goes, it recently went south, and I had to end things. A lot of my friends wondered why I put up with her shit. I guess I finally had enough. I fee the need to vent about this, but quite frankly I want to stop thinking about it.<br />
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I have been trying to learn more about digital photography. It's something I want to get really good at. But this is an expensive hobby. There is a term that people in my photography group uses, GAS, which stands for Gear Acquisition Syndrome. I have been struck by this syndrome in the past couple years. It's like there is this feeling that this additional filter, lens, or camera body will make that next photography outing or hike the best one yet.<br />
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I am filling the rest of my time with home projects, doing things with my son, and hanging out with friends. This Christmas is hard for me because I am not visiting family in Michigan. We saw them all back in July when we all went to Maine. I took Erik, Kevin, and Kevin's girlfriend, Ashley with me. This is not a cheap trip. The flights alone were $700 each.<br />
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Finally I have really good news. My oldest son Kevin and Ashley, his girlfriend for the past ~4 years are now engaged. Kevin took Ashley out to the Broadmoor Hotel to check out their Christmas lighting, dropped to one knee and proposed a midst the seasonally lightning. The only thing I wish he would have done is have me there to take some pictures. That would have made him very nervous, so I understand him leaving me out of it. :-)</div>
Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-29781847244477218022012-09-26T20:51:00.001-06:002012-11-02T15:44:12.583-06:00Seriously??<div><div><p>I've been informed that I am taking on some guys from another department. My crew is growing, but I have mixed feelings about it. I just want to find a new job.
Now it seems they are trying to make things a little better for me financially come next year. This is a dilemma. </p>
</div>Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-72584607695752238892012-08-10T15:50:00.000-06:002012-11-02T15:42:15.127-06:00Friends for years<div><div><p>Back in February I went to a wine Meetup event, where I ran into my friend LaLa. Her name is actually Laura, but this is not the Laura that I dated years ago who had caused me other dating issues. LaLa is a beautiful woman, who I have always liked.  We met 3 or so years ago. I had thought about asking her out in the past, but our differing political and religious views made me decide not to. I avoid confrontation before there is a confrontation.</p>
<p>Well this night she was looking particularly gorgeous. She made room for me next to her at one of the large tables reserved for our group. We shared a couple bottles of wine, and some appetizers. Eventually we went to a club with a few of the fun people in the group, and danced until very late. We had a really great time. I knew after that night that my feelings for her were not going to be easy to contain.</p>
<p>There is a whole lot of background I am leaving out here.</p>
<p>My other friend Laura (we call her Lolly) and I were invited to LaLa's birthday party a couple weeks later. It happened to be at a bar that had scheduled one of LaLa's favorite bands to play. The turnout for the party was quite big as LaLa has a lot of friends. Everyone was buying LaLa shots. Normally I would have as well, but it seemed like she was getting drunk awfully early. She usually can hold her liquor pretty well, but it wasn't long before she was completely shit faced.</p>
<p>LaLa has always been nice to me, but this night she was hanging on me a lot, just trying to stay standing for the most part. But then it happened. While I was standing next to her, holding her up, she spoke directly into my ear. "I haven't made out with anyone in over 2 years". I looked at her and just smiled. I gave her a big hug, but I was not about to take advantage of her in this state she was in. I wasn't sure what to do with that nugget, but it did tell me she was at least interested. I made some ham-handed comment, but stayed clear of making any move. later, a couple of friends that lived near her took her home.</p>
<p>I told Lolly what had been said on our way home. She thought it was just LaLa being really drunk, and didn't think that LaLa was interested in me in that way. I didn't really agree, but it did introduce some doubt in my head.</p>
<p>The next day there was a parade that a bunch of friends including LaLa were going to. I waited until 10:30 to call LaLa to see if she was feeling ok, and if she wanted a ride to the parade. She didn't sound well. She had left her vehicle at the bar the night before, but she said she couldn't even get out of bed at this point.</p>
<p>I felt bad for her, and told her I would bring her some Gatorade and crackers to see if that would help. I figured she wouldn't even remember what she said to me, but I could at least get a better idea of her feelings... maybe.</p>
<p>When I got to her house, her son was just leaving, so he let me in. I found LaLa in the guest room, still wearing the dress she had on from the previous night. As bad as she felt, she still looked damn good.</p>
<p>I sat on the edge of the bed hydrating her, and talking. She either didn't remember saying what she said, or was intentionally avoiding it. She didn't act too friendly, but that may have just been because of the hangover. I was going to deal with it some other time.</p>
<p>A couple weeks later Lolly was asking a number of us if we'd like to go on a cruise. Her mom and uncle were planning on one, and asked her to invite some friends if she'd like. I wasn't too thrilled about the idea. She told me that a bunch of her girlfriends were going (Michaela, Ella, Linda, and LaLa... yes LaLa). I had just been on a cruise in September, and I didn't want to share another cabin with one of my guy friends, especially because most of the guys in this group of friends, are not the kind of friends I would like sharing a room with. The thought just seemed to depress me. I told Lolly that I probably wouldn't be going.</p>
<p>A week or so later Lolly told me that Linda had backed out, leaving LaLa without a roommate. I said to Lolly, "I wonder if LaLa would mind me as a roommate". She told me it wouldn't hurt to ask. So I texted LaLa right away, and got an immediate YES in response. This made me smile.</p>
<p>A week later I got a call from my friend Al. He works for a Department of Defense contractor, and had an extra ticket to the National Space Symposium and wanted me to come. This sounded very cool, so I jumped at the chance. I asked Al who else was going. He told me LaLa and Suzanne. YES!</p>
<p>LaLa was in a dress that was absolutely killing me. It's one of those dresses that makes a woman's boobs really stand out. I tried not too stare. We were all having a blast. They had a Monte Carlo night going, so she and I were sitting at a table having the best time.</p>
<p>At the end of the night I walked her to her car. We stood there and talked for a minute, and I just decided I needed to kiss her. It wasn't a big kiss, but it was there to test the waters. The water was fine ;) I left it at that for the night. I knew I'd be seeing her the next evening for the second day of the symposium.</p>
<p>The next night of the symposium went even better. </p>
<p>We've broken many of each of our own dating rules. We're now at about the 4 month mark, which is way past the point where I usually see the very big red flags. This one is a keeper (knock on wood).</p>
<p>I by no means think that things are easy. Those differences I talked about earlier do come up, but we've promised each other that in those areas we agree to disagree, and to not fight about it. So far that is working perfectly.</p>
</div>Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-30788513313859894832012-08-10T15:30:00.001-06:002012-08-10T15:30:48.609-06:0018 months later...I wonder if anyone really reads this stuff anymore...<br />
<br />
This has been a crazy year. Let's cover what had happened with what I talked about in my last post first.<br />
<br />
The thing with Michaela never happened. I considered it for a short time then saw some problems that were red flags to me.<br />
<br />
My
brother's health is bad. He did lose his job and was out of work other
than some occasional PC repair work. His roommate moved out, which made
paying the mortgage even more difficult since his regular job was gone.
On top of all that, he was under water on his mortgage. I brought up the
fact that he will probably lose the house. It was a hard pill for him
to swallow.<br />
<br />
I was dating a lady, Susan, who is a realtor.
She helped out immensely, and even got Mike some moving cash through a
government program. When it was all done Mike moved in with me.<br />
We've
totally rearranged the basement, and it is now very livable. Mike's
health is still a struggle, but at least he doesn't have that house
hanging over his head.<br />
<br />
The thing with Susan was fairly
short lived. I broke it off in early December due to too much jealousy
and insecurity on her part. She is a great lady, but has to get past
some of her issues.<br />
<br />
I took what I thought was going to be a long break from dating.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-83025478973355258622011-01-27T14:39:00.003-07:002011-01-27T15:04:37.226-07:00Fear of more lossMy brother Mike has been very sick this year. I am very concerned for his future. His illness cannot be cured, but it can be managed. They are trying to figure out the right drugs that will help him best, and are running out of options. Surgery may be the only solution left.<br /><br />He lives across town. He bought a house about 5 years ago and is probably upside down in it. He's been struggling with his finances because he can't work much due to the illness. We're looking into getting him on partial disability.<br /><br />His roommate contacted me a few days ago due to his concern that Mike was not getting any exercise and is gaining a lot of weight. He is also concerned that his work may fire him soon. So far his work has been great about things, and going out of their way to help. His roommate also told me he was moving out. He said he can't stand by and watch his bestfriend slowly kill himself. I think he is being a little overly dramatic, but that discussion has me contacting mike more often, and I have reached out to family to do the same. We're suggesting that he ask his doctor whether anti-depressants would cause any issues with his treatment.<br /><br />I was dealing with all of this when I found out about Chantel's death the other day. I was a bit overwhelmed by both of these events to say the least.<br /><br />I am trying to keep my spirits up and get out with friends. Since Stephanie and I stopped seeing each other I decided not to get all bummed out about it. I have figured out that sitting around the house is like poison to me. I can get stagnant and just sit around (similar to how my brother is acting). It's an anti-social behavior that I am fully aware of. I don't like it about myself. I have been thinking about starting back on anti-anxiety meds, but I am going to try to just keep myself busy instead.<br /><br />My friend Laura mentioned something about how busy I have been keeping myself lately when we went out to a movie last night. She heard about some things I did over the weekend through our mutual friend Michaela (pronounced Mishella). Laura is aware of my depression and anxiety issues. She and I had dated back when the anxiety was really bad. Luckily our friendship survived it. We both know that a relationship wouldn't be a good idea, although there are days that I know she thinks about us as a couple. Let's just say I can tell.<br /><br />I had urged Michaela to join a wine tasting group that I joined a few months ago. I really like Michaela, but she and Laura are very close friends. So like I ran into with Carrie, I know trying to date Michaela could be a problem. I've decided not to pursue her for this reason. The funny thing is that a lady I met at one of the wine group gatherings was telling me that Michaela was clearly into me. I must be blind to most of this. I'm starting to think I can only see it if the person confronts me directly. BONE HEAD!<br /><br />Did I go scatter brained on this post? Hey, at least I am blogging again!Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-53427912222342911452011-01-25T00:40:00.005-07:002011-01-25T02:45:00.903-07:00LossI just learned that an ex-girlfriend of mine from about 5 years ago passed away in October. I am very saddened by this. She was one of the sweetest people I had ever met. All of our issues aside, I was hoping that she would live a long happy life. I knew that it wasn't likely due to her not taking care of her health issues.<br /><br />We were only together for maybe 5 months. Our relationship burned fast. I did love her, and we were on our way to a very serious relationship (she moved in). Breaking up with her was one of the most agonizing things I've ever had to do. The fact that she wasn't taking good care of herself was just one of the issues between us. I was sad for quite a long time after I broke it off. I know I hurt her really bad. The guilt associated with those times haunts me often, which is probably why this news hurts so much.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-91232994005658693092010-12-31T20:28:00.002-07:002010-12-31T20:47:27.052-07:00Happy New Year! Welcome 2011It's been a pretty good year for me. I am still working. My health is pretty good (still need to lose weight). I have been out more socializing/dating (not all of that is good of course). My kids are doing great.<br /><br />BUT...<br /><br />I am feeling depressed, and I have no good reason to.<br /><br />Work is what it is... stressful, but it's going well. I am not very happy there though. I need to make some kind of change, either in my current direction or another one. I don't want to look for a job in this market, so obviously I am staying put.<br /><br />I am blogging on New Years Eve because I am being anti-social. I was asked to join some friends out tonight, but I just did not feel like it.<br /><br />I have been seeing Stephanie (see last post), but it is really slow going. Getting close to her is very difficult. I am sure she likes me, but I don't know if she likes me enough to drop her guard. We only see each other once every week or so, which isn't so bad, but she is very skidish about getting physical... at all. The only time she seems to loosen up is when she's had a lot of wine. Being who I am, this makes me feel guilty. I shouldn't have to get a girl drunk to be able to kiss her. I am going to give it a little more time.<br /><br />I hope that this year is mo' better than the lastJonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-66858728585549223702010-11-11T20:13:00.006-07:002010-11-13T11:47:08.831-07:00Female Friends... Trouble or Beneficial?Hi old friends... I am still around. Just really busy and mostly just Facebooking.<br /><br /><br />I have been really frustrated lately due to dating (big surprise). My friend Laura introduces me to her friends at parties and such. She is a good friend, but there are times where this can be a problem.<br /><br /><br /><br />Laura gethered friends for a Cinco De Mayo this year, where I met Carrie. She is an amazing lady, and really easy to talk to. I knew I needed to get out of my shell and know this person.<br /><br /><br />Well, Carrie was receptive to getting to know me as well. She is such a sweet and kind person, and beautiful on top of that. We started off slow, which is good. We talked a lot, and then she dug deeper into my relationship with Laura. Well, being the honest guy that I am I told her how Laura and I have been friends since around 2002, and that there was a short period in 2005 where Laura and I moved things into dating. This didn't surprise Carrie, but I guess put some concerned thoughts in her head.<br /><br /><br />In subsequent days/weeks Carrie asked Laura if she cared that Carrie and I were seeing each other. Well, I guess the answer came back as something like "I am a little jealous, but I'll get over it". This did not go over well with Carrie. She didn't want to cause any friction in any of our friendships, so I was demoted to friend status. This really sucked on so many levels. I don't blame Carrie for making that call, but I am very disappointed. I do have an issue with Laura interferring.<br /><br /><br />There arn't a lot of Laura's friends that I am attracted to, so there isn't much risk of this happening again. But this now causes other problems.<br /><br /><br /><br />The Friday before Halloween (2 days before) I was at a Halloween party at a friends house. I drove with Laura and 2 other ladies (friends of Laura) came with us along with me (mistake number 1). I don't mind driving. I do drink a little, but I would rather that I drive than trust someone else to maintain their ability to drive. I know my limits very well, and I don't tend to drink very much (well, not when driving)<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_-du9uWqsjoU/TN7Jd_itDCI/AAAAAAAAAg4/Rfp_ZF84uWE/s1600/Jon-%2BHalloween%2B2010.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 293px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539086108822670370" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_-du9uWqsjoU/TN7Jd_itDCI/AAAAAAAAAg4/Rfp_ZF84uWE/s320/Jon-%2BHalloween%2B2010.jpg" /></a>I met a very pretty lady at the party. Considering I was in full Zombie attire I would not have expected anyone to be attracted to me, but Stephanie went out of her way to come meet and talk to me. I was thrilled to say the least. She was at last years party, but I really didn't get a chance to meet her then. She is very attractive.<br /><br /><br />Stephanie then told me she and her girlfriends were headed down to a club after the party and that I should meet her there. I believe the word AWESOME popped into my head. It just so happened that the band playing there is one of my favorites. The drummer I have been friends with since high school. Laura and the other ladies were originally wanting to go to a different club. The other ladies were with me on the change, but Laura was being bitchy about it. I guess I can't blame her. The band we were originally going to see is her favorite. But I am driving... Shut up and get in the car! They didn't know I had a hidden agenda.<br /><br />As soon as we walked into the club I saw the other ladies on the dance floor. I didn't even hesitate as I moved right into their little group. One of the ladies, Kate, grabbed my tie, pulled me close and started a nice little dirty dancing grind on my leg. Too damn funny... and HOT! But Kate kind of scares me. I put my focus on Stephanie. We danced a lot and talked when we could, and at one point she leaned close and told me she thinks I am cute. OK, that was a good green flag, but do you see that picture? How could someone say I was cute?<br /><br />During the time at the club I was getting a lot of stares from other people there. Most people were not in costume, but I got a lot of positive feedback on my get up. A lot of "Dude... that's awesome" kinds of remarks. One guy's feedback was a little too possitive. He kept talking to me when I wasn't on the dance floor with the ladies. I was wondering if maybe he thought I was someone else. So as the night progressed I was kind of getting annoyed by him. Then he asked to buy me a drink. What the fuck!? I was already done drinking from the party, but a guy asking to buy me a drink in a club full of women. I'm no idiot. I told him thanks, but no thanks. That I was done drinking for the night. He then said "Fine then, you buy me a drink". This just annoyed me. Move along.<br /><br />I was standing next to one of the ladies that came along with me. Her name is Audra. We were laughing about these 2 people on the dance floor. The guy was getting a bit touchy with her. She did not seem to be enjoying it. She turned her back to the guy and was looking straight at us and mouthed "Do you know this guy?". I couldn't help but laugh really loud. Audra lean over and whispered in my ear, "I bet Laura hooks up with that guy by the end of the night". This comment confused me, but was funny. I am not sure why she said this. The Michaela, the 3rd lady I was chauffering grabbed my hand and leaded me to the dance floor.<br /><br />These ladies are a lot of fun to hang out with, but I was still trying to work things with Stephanie. I found her a little while later and got her back on the dance floor. After a while we were annoyed by some of the people crowding onto the floor, so we stopped dancing. She went to see where her friends were, and I tracked down mine. What happened next was simply amazing. I looked past Audra hanging by the high top table and saw Laura making out with the guy that Audra said she would be hooking up with later. I had to ask Audra how the hell she knew this was going to happen. Does she know him? She told me that he was just the type of guy that Laura would hook up with. So now it's official, Audra is a psychic.<br /><br /><br />I ran into Laura a while later. She was clearly drunk. We talked for a bit, and then she saw Stephanie heading out the door. Laura started saying how much she hates Stephanie. I tried to find out why, but she wasn't telling me anything.<br /><br />Eventually I realized that we needed to get out of there before I had a sick person in my car. I rounded everyone up and convinced them it was time. The band was finishing up their last set, so it is better to go now before there is a mass of people (mostly drunk) on the road with me at the same time.<br /><br />As we walked out Laura had to talk to the guy she was making out with. I then saw Stephanie on the front patio talking to her friends. I stepped over to say goodnight. I personally don't care that Laura doesn't like her. I didn't know<br /><br />I drove everyone back to Laura's. I guess the girls were doing a sleep over. Laura repeated how she cannot stand Stephanie. I don't know if maybe she saw me dancing with Stephanie or what. Laura was really getting on my nerves on the drive back to her place. Thank god I didn't have to drive everyone to their individual homes. I got home and took some Advil and showered. It took some time to get all that crap off my face. I think I got to bed around 2:30.<br /><br />I woke up that morning feeling a little of the effects of the night before. I wasn't really wanting to do it all over again, but we had another party to go to that night. Laura called, but I let it go to voicemail. She wanted to know if we could drive together to the next party. UUUUGH! I need to stop doing that so that I can leave when I want... and with who I want ;)<br /><br />Then I saw a friend request on Facebook from Stephanie. Some days I hate Facebook, but this was not one of them.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-63763760857031910302010-02-28T11:30:00.002-07:002010-03-23T22:02:45.263-06:00Needing some fun...So much of my life is very frustrating right now.<br /><br />I want to sell my house, but I am too lazy to prepare it for the market. I hear houses in the price range I am expecting are actually starting to sell fairly quickly. That's encouraging.<br /><br />Work is going relatively well. My stress level is still up there, but my new boss has been great about everything. She is trying to help me to be a better manager. I never asked to be a manager, and my previous 4 bosses at this company didn't do shit to help me understand how it should be done. Now that Paula is my boss I am starting to understand that none of the previous bosses (except maybe one) were good managers either. It amazes me that this company is still surviving in these difficult times. Things are so poorly managed and inefficient that I would think we would be having major lay-offs. We have cut a few people, but surprizingly few considering the market. The good news is that projections for business in 2011 are much better.<br /><br />My kids are doing well, and keeping busy. Kevin has been snowboarding a lot. Even after breaking his arm right after Christmas (it is already healed). Erik was on a Park & Rec football team last year that really pushed him. He decided this year to do a couple different things. He is playing team handball, and will begin baseball in the next month or so. He is planning on playing football again in the fall.<br /><br />I have started trying to date again. It's not going very well. I don't know if it's my state of mind, or I just know what or who I want, and can't have that is influencing my thoughts. Dating doesn't feel very important to me anymore. I am still a horny bastard, but the drive to find someone doesn't seem to be there. What is wrong with me? I know some would say that I just haven't met the right person, but I think it goes deeper than that. Maybe I have become that cynical person I have tried so hard not to be all these years.<br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_-du9uWqsjoU/S4q6BR_Na7I/AAAAAAAAAgo/laWVGLascV8/s1600-h/IMGP1670c.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 346px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 238px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5443367630801824690" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_-du9uWqsjoU/S4q6BR_Na7I/AAAAAAAAAgo/laWVGLascV8/s320/IMGP1670c.jpg" /></a>My brother in law was in Colorado for some skiing and and doing some musical gigs with some of his friends up in the mountains. He came by for a couple visits on his down days. He took a picture of me and the boys for my sister.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-83669368150295598372009-11-07T20:58:00.000-07:002009-11-07T21:01:15.470-07:00Getting out...I have been happily getting out and socializing more these days. My friend Laura continues to take me to her "singles group" outings. They are a very good group of people. I was kind of expecting when Laura started inviting me to these events, that things would get ugly from time to time. Maybe it's because of the age group that most of these people are in is at a more mature level... or these people are just more respectful.<br /><br />I know that Laura has dated a few of the guys from the group. And when I show up with her, I do get looked at like I am dating her. Which I am not. I think it is funny when there are guys interested in her and they see me there, they get kind of jealous and territorial. At first I kind of hung with Laura as I am a bit shy. As I met a few people I felt comfortable getting buried in deep conversations with the guys and the women in the group. Sometimes I feel like some of these conversations are like job interviews. Kind of strange, but I don't mind. <br /><br />This past couple weeks I have gone to a comedy club, a Halloween party and a night at a club here in town to see a blues band and do some dancing. A lot of the same people were at these places, so I was able to remember some people's names. Well, those that I could recognize out of their costumes.<br /><br />At the club the other night there was this couple that I just met at the Halloween party. I don't know if they met through the groups or what. He seemed really nice, and even understood what I do for a living (that is very rare). She was also really nice... nicer than I expected since we had just met a few days before. Maybe she was trying to make her guy jealous, I don't know. So much for being adults. I decided the best thing to do is just kind of play along as if I think she is kidding around, and make sure he thinks that too.<br /><br />Another lady showed up later that I am very attracted to. She is intelligent, funny as hell (tells some great dirty jokes), and a gorgeous redhead. Her name is also Laura. She has this long distance boyfriend thing going on, but she is also very friendly to me. She is fun to talk to, but she is also kind of intimidating. I just try to be my normal self.<br /><br />It kind of cracks me up how hard some of the guys try to impress the women. I just wonder if it ever really works. The hand kissing, and over the top compliment seem so phoney to me. <br /><br />Dancing to me is always kind of an awkward area for me. I feel fairly comfortable on the dance floor. I dont try to do anything fancy. I never learned to swing dance. So I just keep it simple. But sometimes people look at me funny. I don't really care what they think, but it does get me a little self conscious. Maybe I am reacting wrong. Maybe they like what I am doing, but who knows. I do watch some of the guys trying to be a little hipper than they should. That is a little unnerving. I sometimes think to myself <em>"Do I look like that?"</em> I;ve decided that I don't.<br /><br />I am not an official member of any of these groups. I think I'll keep it that way for a little while. But I think I might like getting into one of the hiking groups. For someone that has lived here in Colorado Springs for 32 years, I sure don't know where many of the good hiking trails are. I could certainly use the exercise.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-71650822595916139192009-10-02T19:17:00.005-06:002010-02-27T08:19:02.616-07:00The more things change, the more they stay the sameI have cut way back on my blogging, obviously. But I think some of it was because all I was doing was bitching about work. I know it must be tiring to read.<br /><br />Well lately work has been "interesting". I have now been there for 3 years. Most people are amazed I am still there considering I commute almost everyday to Denver (130 mile round trip). This year I started wishing there were more jobs out there, but the fucked up economy is showing in the fact that the only job in my field that is available is yet another 45 minutes further from my house. I don't think I want a 4 hour round trip commute.<br /><br />What is new is that my boss is taking a new job in the company. Many people that know about it expect that I would want his job, but I don't. My job sucks bad enough. He's been a decent boss (my 4th boss in 3 years), but he is a real pain at times. I gave him a nickname that he is unaware of. We call him "The Vortex". This is because if you get sucked into his office you may not come out for hours. This guy over analyzes shit to the point that I almost want to give in just to get the fuck away from him. But I never give in if I truly believe I am right.<br /><br />Now that he is moving on, we are doing a bit of a reorganization. They don't want to replace him since it is cheaper to just force some other sucker to take on the job in addition to their current responsibilities. Yesterday it was official that all of his departments were going to report to a lady that is a VP over QA and some developement projects. She is a decent manager, but I know her technical skills are lacking. She has never pulled rank with me, but I know I have had to prove her and her people wrong on a number of situations. Since then she seems to listen to me more and more, and trust my opinions and judgement, but I know she still relies on some of her folks who I feel are completely clueless and have her fooled. <br /><br />I am not upset about the reporting structure change, but I know it does mean I will have a different dynamic going on in many of my meetings with her. We'll see how it works out.<br /><br />Other than that...<br /><br />The kids are good. Healthy and doing well in school. Erik is playing football on a Park & Rec team. He is doing way better than I expected. His coach talked to him about losing some weight, which he is doing (he doesn't listen to me in these matters... and who am I to talk). Kevin is working a lot at McDonalds, and getting ready for a lot of snowboarding this winter. <br /><br />It looks like I am not going to be going to Michigan for Christmas this year, so I think I will plan a long weekend with the kids to go skiing/boarding.<br /><br />My love life is pretty empty these days. I started seeing someone that broke it off early. It was pretty disappointing because I really liked her. We had a lot in common. But if you're not feeling it, you can't force it. I've been on the other side of that, so I understand where she was with it.<br /><br />A lady friend of mine that I have hardly talked to this year called me the other day. She lives in another state, so having a close relationship is very hard. We are realistic about it. The interesting thing about this particular call was that she suggested that we take a trip together. I know that if we lived in the same city, or maybe even just the same state, I wouldn't hesitate to take a trip. My dilema is that she is the type of person that I know I will fall for provided we spend a good amount of time together. So now I need to wonder if our "realistic" approach is a good thing or should we just say fuck it, and throw all previous thoughts out the window.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-88706010980066063262009-08-09T12:15:00.002-06:002009-08-09T12:46:56.328-06:00I am a tease... and a dumbassI talk about blogging, and I never do. <br /><br />I did finally take the kids on vacation. I think some of you know about it from Facebook. We drove to Michigan for a few days and visited my mom and sisters families. It was a good visit. <br /><br />Kevin has a friend that just recently moved an hour or so from where my mom lives so I took him to see his friend. They had fun riding skateboards. <br /><br />I took Erik on a canoe ride at the park my nephew and neice work at. They load you into a van with a trailer full of canoes in tow. They help you launch it into the river. Our run took about 45 minutes. We capsized the canoe 5 minutes into the run. It was pretty funny. This part of the river is pretty shallow, so it didn't take much to reach shore and dump the water.<br /><br />Mom seems to be doing well, and was excited about flying to Maine with my sister the next week. I was pretty bummed that I couldn't do that with them, but I just couldn't afford it... and the boys had to get back to school that week. <br /><br />I am not big into Facebook, but it has a couple mind numbing and addicting games. I kind of hate that I have gotten into that. A few old girlfriends have tracked me down on Facebook. A couple from back in the early 80s, and a couple since my divorce. I kind of feel voyeuristic being able to see what they are up to. Some of it makes me sad. <br /><br />One lady in particular was the first woman I really liked after my divorce. She broke it off with me because I had a vasectomy and she thought she would want kids one day. Other than the fact that I am seedless we got along so great. We were only seeing each other for about a month. We kept in touch as friends and even met for lunch and other things a couple times. She met someone later that year. A year later they were getting married. I was happy for her, but we stopped all communication. She didn't want to give him any reason for being jealous.<br /><br />Well, for some reason she looked me up on Facebook. My heart skipped a beat when I saw a note from her. I felt dirty looking through her profile. Am I crazy? I saw that she had a daughter, but then I read how her and her husband adopted their daughter. That gave me mixed feelings. I was happy that she had this beautiful daughter, but I was sad that she didn't have one herself. I'm not going to lie, part of me thought that breaking up with me for the reasons she gave were completely nullified somehow. <br /><br />ANYWAY...<br /><br />The boys are back in school. Kevin in his junior year in high school, and Erik is in his first year of middle school. It's all making me feel older... UGH<br /><br />How the hell are you all? Anyone still reading this crap?Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-24266674009205313672009-06-14T17:43:00.005-06:002009-06-14T18:21:43.054-06:00Summer WTFLong absense, huh?<br /><br />Now that the kids are out of school I seem to be even more stressed. I wonder what they are doing while I am not home. Are they getting outside or just watching tv and playing video games. Luckily, my ex signed up for a family membership to a rec center/gym, so they have something to do. I have been reminding them a lot to take advantage of that. And I have been giving them chores to do, which does help a lot... when they do them :D<br /><br />The boys have asked me if we're going to go on a vacation this year. Quite frankly, I don't know. I could take some time off, but money is getting very tight. My savings took a hit due to some unforseen expenses. I hate charging up my credit cards. I am trying to get all of my credit card debt to disappear (just in case).<br /><br />As for work... it is what it is. I am burnt out. We are still making progress on the new projects and we are improving things everyday for the existing ones. I just wish someone outside of my department would make an attempt at making some changes for the better.<br /><br />I did get a small bonus, that should be showing up in my next paycheck. I am glad I got it because I was nominated for it by our VP of Development (at least that is what I think she is). She nominated me and one of my guys for this because she knows how hard we try, and how hard headed these people are that we have to deal with.<br /><br />What else is there to tell you all...<br /><br />Oh ya... my love life still sucks. You'll love my latest story. Maybe I'll blog about it later. <br /><br />I am such a teaseJonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-28450363868689300662009-03-23T23:30:00.000-06:002009-03-23T23:57:37.972-06:00Welcoming the SpringIts been an entire month... What do I have to show for it?<br /><br />I got my reviews done at work. <br />A couple of our big projects are moving along well. <br />I went on a date (what a shocker that is).<br /><br />I am not thrilled with work. Two of my best employees have a bit of a feud going on. It upsets me that they aren't getting along. I don't even understand what caused it. One thinks the other doesn't like his type A personality, the other hasn't said a word to me. I will probably have to clear the air with them in a week. Have I said before that I hate being a manager?<br /><br />I was supposed to be going to Iowa this week, but I did not make detailed enough plans for what we need to accomplish, so we're delaying the trip. Now my boss thinks that maybe we could do what we need remotely. I totally disagree, but this may have travel budget implications. I was going to take the 2 employees I mentioned earlier. I may have to rethink that even if we do get the budget.<br /><br />My typical weekend is comprised of me sleeping in until at least 9:30, then putzing around the house. I may go to a movie, I may not.<br /><br />This weekend was not typical. Friday night my friend Laura ask me to join her and a friend of hers to to a movie. That was fun. The movie was ok (Duplicity).<br /><br />Saturday morning I received a call at 7:45. Of course it was my friend Mike. He was calling to tell me he was on his way over. He was borrowing my ATV for a few days. I made a few attempts at starting my ATV after putting a new battery in it the other day (without success). I've left it sitting around unused for too long. Mike also brought his computer over for me to look at. Aparently Turbo Tax doesn't like him. Unfortunately I fixed some problems with it, but not enough to make it work. <br /><br />After Mike left I did my typical laundry and cleaning (a half-assed job on the cleaning). Then I headed to the store to pick up a meat tray and some beer for a board gaming party. That was fun, as usual. <br /><br />Sunday morning I did sleep in until 9, but then got to work on more cleaning. I also rotated my tires and washed the car. I had to work for a few hours on crap I left unfinished on Friday. Then I went on the date I mentioned earlier. Nothing big to report. We'll see if anything happens.<br /><br />One of the shows I am watching this year is getting REALLY good. Dollhouse... If you haven't watched it, you should start. I was a little more than luke warm on the show until this week. It's been building up to some big stories, and now its starting to hit. Friday nights episode was THE best. I am now totally hooked.<br /><br />I am hoping to take a long weekend and head to Vegas before it gets to damn hot. Why do some people love the heat, and I just can't stand it. Give me 75-80 degrees and I am one happy boy.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-14249182515506350652009-02-22T10:14:00.002-07:002009-02-22T10:29:25.917-07:00Music Videos... and why some don't suckI have loved this band since their first CD came out in 96. I never saw the video. I've stopped watching MTV for obvious reasons. Came across this and laughed my ass off.<br /><br />I had a girlfriend back in 2003/4 that HATED this song. I never understood why. One of our last dates during our first go round we went to see Matchbox Twenty, and opening for them was Fountains of Wayne. I was totally into it. She had a look of disgust on her face. I am thinking that maybe she saw this video and didn't like it. Her kids were the age of the kids in this video at the time. Hehehe<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5V_rXTp1yBU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5V_rXTp1yBU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-82098331780825730582009-02-17T00:15:00.001-07:002009-02-17T00:18:03.470-07:00Celebrate!!!!!<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_-du9uWqsjoU/SZpjiUtZwXI/AAAAAAAAAfM/0-Bz9XwvQAQ/s1600-h/cheers.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5303660952508023154" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 253px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_-du9uWqsjoU/SZpjiUtZwXI/AAAAAAAAAfM/0-Bz9XwvQAQ/s320/cheers.jpg" border="0" /></a>Guess what day it is kids?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">It is my Blogiversary</span><br /><br />Not that this is a big deal, especially when I have a hard time posting once a month.<br /><div>My life is not so different from month to month. My department has been making a lot of great progress on our projects. Although I am feeling a sense of accomplishment, I am also feeling burned out. I think my whole department is. We're even starting to get on each other's nerves, which has never happened with my group of "performers". I need to do something for them, but unfortunately I have to get approval to do ANYTHING to boost morale.</div><br /><div>My mom, and cousin have been hounding me to go to maine this summer. They are renting a couple of houses for a week. This would make it much more affordable, but I think I would rather just escape away from everyone for a week. Anyone got a couch needing an occupant? </div><br /><div>An old friend and I patched things up recently. She and I aren't dating. We did date for about 4 weeks a number of years ago. That ended, but we stayed friends. Then we had a falling out. That was aout 3 years ago. We've contacted each other over the last few years, but up until a few weeks ago we had not seen each other. We met for drinks and it was like the friendship had never been stopped. </div><br /><div>Last week she invited me to a friend's wine party. I haven't been getting out much, so I felt it would be good to meet some new people. I then found out that this is a singles group she belongs to. She said "there will be lots of single ladies to mingle with". This actually sounded more and more like something I needed. I picked up a nice Pinot Noir.</div><br /><div>Well, I had a great time. No, I didn't get any phone numbers. I didn't even try, to be honest. It was just good to meet some people and kind of refreshing to just start a conversation with someone out of the blue. I did meet a few very attractive ladies. I made a good impression with a number of people, so hopefully I will be invited to more events of theirs.</div><div><br />I do want to share this...<br /><br /><object height="267" width="400"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=3127889&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1"><br /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=3127889&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="267"></embed></object><br /><a href="http://vimeo.com/3127889">Untitled</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user1026609">Graham Butler</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</div>Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10914488.post-64568701313983433422009-02-03T22:41:00.002-07:002009-02-03T22:53:08.271-07:00Lost in the real worldIt's been over a month since I have posted anything. I have so much to say, but have no time to organize my thoughts.<br /><br />I wish that I could say that I have been secluded away on a tropical island, but that would just be a lie. I've gone skiing a couple times, but mostly I've just been working.<br /><br />The love life is non-existant. I went from seeing 2 women in December. Then I was down to one. That fizzled, but came across another lady that I saw a couple times. Now that one is gone too. The last 2 I didn't even get a break up e-mail. I haven't heard a word. This is partially my fault, but it is a 2 way street.<br /><br />I'm now coming down with a cold... FUCK!Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05379780478815310735noreply@blogger.com2