Ever since my divorce I knew that there was someone out there that would feel for me the way I deserved. My dating "career" if you will has been filled with some very interesting times. I have met some really incredible ladies, a couple of which I fell for head over heels. Those feelings are always intense, incredible, and always welcomed.
Unfortunately those few times I felt that the feelings have either faded, or were abruptly changed by other emotions. Some have said it's because I get scared. I guess that may be a part of it, but I don't think that is all, or even a major part.
MS is a great lady, and a lot of fun to be around. But ever since getting ready for the trip to Maine this past July I've been having serious doubts as to our compatibility. I broke up with her.
I know I alluded to the fact that there was drama during our Maine trip when I posted way back when. I decided I didn't need to give you the details. But ever since that trip my feelings have been affected. It has a lot to do with the kids. While I made it no secret that her son is a problem, she never took the steps to deal with it. He is very ADD (I think I mentioned this a while back). Not only does this condition cause a strain with me and my kids, but she has to deal with him to get him to chill out. Then there is the effect it has on his school work. We had discussed his needing to be back on the ADD meds, but even though she said she would do it, it never happened.
This is a big problem for me. She has basically given up trying to help him have a good life. He is not stupid, his teachers even agree. It just seems to me that your child's well being should be your focus. Instead she would sometimes come spend the night with me while her 15 year old was home alone. I had assumed he was with his dad, but found out afterwards he wasn't.
So my feelings for her have gotten to the point where I know we don't have a future. It is very sad for me to even type that. Part of me feels like I failed in some way. Why do I find it so hard to break up with someone when other guys I know do it with such ease. Do I ever want to be like that? Probably not.
I felt a lot of depression coming on for the last couple months. I know the relationship had a lot to do with it. Or maybe it was what I knew about what I needed to do, but was avoiding. Now that it's over I feel even worse.
7 comments:
KitP,
It was that 20% you were unwilling to overlook! What is more disappointing the break up or that you and her had basic philosophical differences that you can not concede or accept?
Even though it may seem that you were nagging to her about her son and his difficulties, it is clear to me you were being his vocal advocate.
Leaving ANY minor child (and even major children) at home alone is dangerous and unforgivable. If he has severe ADHD he probably doesn't sleep through the night and he would have the opportunity to get in as much trouble as he likes because he is unattended.
What's more? She lied to you and in my opinion that is the hardest hammer to forgive.
She wasn't the one...your heart will open fully when you meet the right one.
Well Jon, breaking up is NEVER easy. I've been on both ends and either way it just sucks. But the fact that she can't even put an effort into her parenting skills did have a great impact on you. You are really a GREAT guy and you deserve someone that can be a responsible adult when the situation arises.
You will find the right one. I know you're going to probably be hearing that a lot but hey...you're young. Don't rush it. Hell, I'm 46 and I'm STILL too young...lol. You know what I mean I think.
The most important thing is to enjoy your time with your boys. These years you have with them you will never get back.
xo
:( Gaa...I am sorry about this.
I feel very sad for you.
OOOOoo Now i'm jealous... your "nightmare" is over... *sigh* I'll get the scoop in yahoo... Grats on makin the clean break Sweetie!... I know however sad it is it must be agreat relief from guilt and stress...
wishin!
Give it time, you will feel better. Dealing with other people's kids who have parents that don't want to deal with the issues at hand, sucks! I know first hand. Your job isn't to save the world, you have to find a relationship that will make you truly happy. Good luck!
aww, sweetie... sorry you're feeling low, but it seems to me you did the right thing.
I think you did the right thing as well. So cheer up!
You'll find a winner out there, keep your eyes open.
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