Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Making it through...

This has been a difficult relationship to get past. I kept getting reminded of the final day of it by our mutual friends being nosy and wanting to know what happened. I don't really go into any detail as it really isn't their business. A few close friends saw it coming, since LaLa was never very nice to me in public. My friend Lolly asked me numerous times, including in front of LaLa, why I put up with her shit.

I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately because these reminders would make me run the whole scene in my head. This would tense me up and get my mind spinning. Thoughts of, Oh, I should have said this, or that would run through my head. I have also had multiple dreams where we have gotten back together. I wake up and quickly realize it was just a dream. I truly have no desire to get back into a relationship with her. We still have not spoken since.

The anger is pretty much gone. I am now just at an uncomfortable point where I don't want to go to Meetup events where I know she will be there. It might require us clearing the air sometime, before I am comfortable with being in the same room.

Luckily I have many friends. Some groups of friends are in different circles than her closer friends. But I kind of do feel like I have lost a number of friends over this. There is a lot of indifference on my part as for whether I should even try to salvage a friendship for the sake of comfort in groups of friends.

Now there is the matter of other lady friends wanting to fix me up. I am 90% against it. It is more from a point of preserving our friendships than anything else. Meaning, if things go south, it could cause an impact on our friendships.

I have 2 different lady friends who want to set me up with the same lady. I met this lady at a birthday party a while back. It's hard to say if it's just my current state of mind, or what, but I am really not interested in her. She is a very nice person, but I think I am being hyper critical of all issues I have already seen. That tells me I should not be dating anyone.

So in the mean time I am going to photography classes and meetups, trying to improve my abilities. I feel a bit unfocused (so to speak) in this hobby, as I don't try to concentrate on any one genre of photography. I want to learn it all, yet I don't have enough time for all of that. I am going to dive into marco photography for the upcoming spring blooming. New equipment should be here Friday. I spend way too much money on this hobby.