Her reaction was more of "we don't need to do that".
The boys played Xbox while we tried to find more information out about these pocket bikes. FYI, if you are looking for pocket bikes on-line don't let your child Google it. My son typed in Pocket Rocket. Luckily I caught the mistake as I saw the headline of the first item in the list. He didn't understand why I took over.
It was an hour or so before dinner time I thought about going to the store. I asked her if I should go get something. She was very non-commital, acting like she didn't want to put me out. I am a fairly sensitive person, so all of this was starting to feel to me like she was uncomfortable being here. I assured her that I am fine with whatever she wants to do.
Apparently I said something wrong. She decided that she would just pick up something for them on their way home. Her tone was not very pleasant. I was disappointed and frustrated. I took the boys out for wings. Luckily the wing place had the Bronco game on, so I at least had that distraction.
I felt as if I was being punished for offering to take them out. I had no idea what to do. I slept on it and hoped that tomorrow would bring some clarity.
She called me after I had picked up the kids from their mothers. She apologized about the way things went. She is having a lot of anxiety about me... or is it more about her?
1. She feels I am too accustomed to dining out. She can't afford it so she feels I am in a different class or something...UGH. It's not that we always eat out, but it does happen in my house often when I have the kids. I get home from work, pick the boys up from their mom's house, and by this time it is already close to 6 (possibly past 6 if I had to work late). Most decent meals take some time to prepare. I would rather not make my kids wait too long. Pasta tends to be made a lot. I am not good at meal planning. I tend to fill my cupboards with all kinds of different things for side dishes and a few veggies, and then buy a few types of meat to have for the week. If I had the time I would much rather stay home and cook something simple.
2. She feels I am too anxious to move things along in our relationship (this is because of inviting her and her son to spend the night). I think that she is too afraid to open up her heart. I have not pushed for much. I am a touchy feely kind of guy. I like to hold hands, kiss in public, lots of hugs. I sensed her hesitation early on with this behaviour so I have not been my normal touchy feely self. We do our share of holding hands, but as for kissing... this has been seriously lacking in my book. I think it's sad really. As for sex... I am all for it, but I am not pushing for it AT ALL. I know she is not ready, and I am willing to wait. A little background here... She and I had sex on our first date. It was actually about 12 hours after the date started, so I tend to give her and myself a little slack on this.
She says she loves hanging out and spending time together, yet she gets all uptight about me wanting to kiss her. I am not in this to be a guy friend. I have plenty of women friends, I do not want to limit this to just that.
I think I am going to be backing away from Rayette... not breaking it off, just not pursuing her. Maybe she can figure out what she wants and will change her tune. That is hard for me to do, but I think it is what needs to be done.
I know some of you think I should just dump her. Sorry to disappoint you.
8 comments:
No, Jon, I don't feel you should dump her. Kissing is a 'very intimate' thing---MORE than sex actually. Women feel that they are letting themselves become vulnerable once the 'kissing phase' begins, because a lot goes into kissing.......emotions, and the whole 'revealing true feelings' comes out.
Sex is just sex...... but the kissing---well, ....it goes beyond that.
She sounds hesitant and confused. Give her time. Let her be 'herself' when you two are out. Refrain from being too affectionate, so she can initate that when she wants. I'm not saying, "Oh Jon, just be a doormat"----I'm simply stating that she needs to gradually move back into this union, at her own pace.
You'll be okay. I think she feels bad about $$$ situation as far as dining out goes. The guilt part sinks in, and then she complains about it. My ex used to do that all the time. I'm the type that would rather go out to dine than cook at home.
I hope you're okay...let us know how you're doing.
{{hugs}}
Hmm... she sounds really conflicted. Giving her some more time is a good idea, as Deb suggests, if you're willing to do that.
But I also agree with Chrisse, that a "what's going on here" talk is in order, soon.
Jeez. Why does this stuff have to be so complicated?
Deb, Chrissie, Terry: I hear what you are saying.
What gets me is why she is the one so conflicted when she was the one that contacted me about getting back together. Parts of this don't add up.
I also think you should give her more time. 80 years ought to do it.
Do you really want to be with someone who can't even figure out if she wants to be with you? Why are you letting her decide whether or not you deserve her?
You deserve someone who WANTS you. Not someone who settles for you. I think you know this but you are afraid of being alone. What are you going to do if the right one comes along and you are wasting time on Rayette? Take Rayette out where other chicks can see you. Chicks dig a guy thats with a good looking woman. YES, I am saying use Rayette. Thats totally what I am saying.
matters of the heart don't often add up, unfortunately. (or is that just my life??)
jon, it sounds like she's scared. sounds to me like she has feelings for you and that scares the shit out of her, so she freaks out...i think that's why she wanted to get back together etc. she ran the first time...got scared and ran. she's trying not to run this time but she's scared. sometimes when we get scared of our own feelings and scared of opening up we do weird things. sounds to me like she is having anxiety...perhaps yuo can broach the subject in a caring snesitive way?
either that or she's totally bonkers.
I'm new here and I'm confused (nothing unusual).
You had sex on the first date and now she won't even kiss you?
Excuse me, but I don't get it.
Echo - Helpful as always
Terry - I hear ya
Bleu - I think she is scared (and a little bonkers)
Jenn - Welcome and yes, you are confused. She and I did have sex on our very first date over 2 years ago. It was one of those really long dates that last for days (ok, a day a and a half). We have not gone there this time around. It's not the sex that has me so frustrated, it's the lack of closeness. I feel it is because she is assuming that if she hugs and kisses me too much I will take that as a sign that she is ready for sex.
Post a Comment