Date Postponed...

Well it didn't happen. I am a little pissed about it, but I feel stupid for being upset. I guess I am just disappointed.

Many people have said that getting back with exes means you are dooming yourself to the same mess that you were in before. I can't argue with that, but if I don't go through with it how will I know for sure.

I respect women for a lot of reasons. One big one is for putting up with the bullshit that we guys dish out. Not that women don't feed us a bunch of crap too, but women always need to be on the defensive to a certain extent because so many guys are just after a good lay.

Some things that women do deserve more respect than others. In Rayette I have always seen her as a very strong will woman that will always be able to pull herself out of any fix that she is in. Not that she is even in one. She is in her early 30s, has 2 boys that she loves and cares for VERY well (the boys have an almost absent father as he sees them maybe once a month although she would allow a lot more time). She currently owns 2 homes on her own (not because she gets anything from the ex). She works her ass off, and is still trying to go to school to advance herself even further.

I see the problem with Rayette being so strong is that she has also put up a wall that is very hard to break through. She is too quick to add additional boundaries when something isn't quite to her liking. I am hoping better communication will help this. I beat myself up a lot after our initial break up wondering what I could have done differently. There are a few things I have figured out. I need to see if it will work.

In addition to her strength that I am attracted to there is also her personality. Even when we haven't taked in many months we can still make each other laugh. From day one when we met after knowing each other only through an on-line dating site I always loved just being with her. It didn't matter what we were doing.

Then of course there is the physical. Some may not like this fact but she is very short (4' 11"), but that never seemed to bother me one bit. Actually I like it a lot. I know she feels self-conscious about it, but I hardly even thought about it. She has an incredible smile that I did capture in a picture (I was always glad that she didn't mind having her picture taken)

I know that starting over is going to feel like a first date all over again. I am already nervous about it, maybe even more so than our actual 1st date. This is probably because I already know that I would want future dates. Also because I know those things about her that I know because of how close we were at one time. I want that feeling back.

It's already been 2 months since I broke up with Chantel. It's hard to believe.

I have done some productive things in the past couple months, including painting the interior of the house (finishing the main part that Chantel started), and now I have painted my bedroom. I picked a different color than the rest of the house. The rest of the house is that chocolate milk brown/tan. I needed something different than that, but also non-white.

I went to Lowes (similar to, but better than, Home Depot if you don't have one near you) on Sunday and picked up a couple gallons of what I expected to be a grey/blue. I wanted the blue to be very muted. Well I put the brush on the wall and immediately hated it. I stopped right there and sealed the can. All of a sudden I didn't want any blue whatsoever. I compared it to the chip I selected it from. It matched, so I could not return it, so $50 down the drain. I picked up a different color yesterday on my way home from work This time I knew that a green would work, but I also wanted it very subdued. I wanted it to mostly be grey. I also went a bit lighter this time.

I like the color. I got all the trim done last night around midnight. I started the rolling when I got home and am almost finished with the room, but still need to do the walk-in closet (I am not looking forward to that).

I took the kids out to dinner last night. It is their mother's week with them, but I get to take them out one night on her week. They liked the color I selected. I showed Kevin the color I had started with. He wants it for his room. Woohoo! $50 is not wasted.