My situation is kind of fixed as far as me and Michelle seeing each other are concerned. I won't move because that would mean giving up my time with my kids. I love having them every other week. I could not stand to not be in there lives as much as I am.
Michelle could move if she really wanted to. Her ex lives in Arizona as well, but about 200 miles away. Her 2 daughters are already out of the house, but she has a son that is around 10. She has full custody. Her options are easier than mine. She has built a good career working as a psychologist for a non-profit group. She is the manager of the office she is at. We talked about these options before and at the time she said she was not willing to give that up.
After actually meeting it seems like she may be up for moving here, but I have a problem with this. Should she plan on moving after being with me for one weekend? Isn't that a huge risk? What if after a short time we don't stay together? I would feel incredibly guilty for her having moved here. I am certainly not going to invite her to live with me. I've put my kids and myself through that all too recently. I think we would have to have the "Long-Distance Relationship" for a while to see how things go. The problem with this is she has done the long distance thing before and hated it. This was with a guy that lived just 2 hours away from her. How on Earth are we going to make this work?
Do I love Michelle. Yes, on a basic level I certainly do. I have said it before... there are different levels of love. There is the end with the good friends and infatuation stages, and then there is the other end being where you would do anything and everything for this person and be together for the rest of your lives. There are plenty of other levels in between. I am still in the infatuation level. Is this the kind of love you take these kinds of risks for? No, not yet it isn't. Maybe she views her love for me at more of the do anything for me level. But even then if you know the other person is not at that same level do you risk it? Common sense tells me no.
I can tell from recent conversation that Michelle is giving up on the idea of us being together. I feel so fortunate to have finally met her, but I also feel bad for the fact that we can't be together. I know what a lot of you are going to say, "You're not giving it a chance!". I have been through so much recently that I guess I am trying to stay away from painful situations.
On a darker note...
To my surprise my ex-girlfriend called me at work the other day to ask if I had found some more things of her's at my house. Since I am no longer taking calls that come up with her caller ID she has figured out that she can block that information from being displayed. At home I have all unknown numbers blocked, but there is no way to block those on my cell that I know of, and I probably don't want to because some head hunters also block their numbers. I have resorted to ignoring them all anyway because if it's a headhunter they will leave a message. Her trickiness moved up a notch because now she calls my work number. I have to answer that as it displays some caller ID info but not all.
As a matter of fact I do have more of her stuff, but this time instead of her coming to get it I am going to mail it to her. I do not want a repeat of our last meeting. UGH!
6 comments:
You asked, so I will give you my two cents on something I have experience in.
No!!! Don't be moving to be together after only one weekend. Every single couple I know who have done it have broken up in a matter of a couple of months!!!
My husband and I met online, and dated for a couple of years, long distance. We were only to see one another 4-5 times a year. Long distance is very very hard. If you can survive that for awhile, then your chances are pretty good once you are in the same location.
When the time and opportunity came to be closer together, it was a totally different experience. It was like getting to know each other on a whole new level. We continued to date for another year or so before getting engaged. We took our time, because all though we knew we wanted to be together, we both had kids and its not fare to them to uprooted and moved until you are 100% sure of what you are doing.
Anyways... you asked, so I shared.
That all being said, I do hope you things work out for you, either way. From reading your blog, it seems that you have a lot to share with someone. =)
Both very smart things to do, not making any desitions as far as the relationship with Michelle goes, and of course, not agreeing to meet with Chantel ever again.
Thanks, both of you.
Shari... I welcome all comments in what I post. Some of what I talk about gets people a little worked up. I wouldn't post things if I was afraid of what people would say. Feel free to call me an idiot if you like. :D
Ava... As always, you are very supportive and a good friend. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Mail it to Chantel, safest way.
Wish I could offer advise on Michelle but thats a tough one Jon.
Thanks TLR, I am planning on mailing it. Now if I could find the time to do it before she calls again.
i think it sounds like you have indeed evaluated things fully and come to a smart decision...there is a huge point to not taking risks when there's such a disparity in the playing field of emotion...especially if the side that weighs in heavier is the one sacrificing. hell...you don't need comments, it sounds like you know very well what you're doing!
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