Great Risks!

I just received one of those really annoying "inspirational" e-mails that your supposed to read, then send it to everyone in your address book. First off, I sometimes read these, but I will never forward them to my people in my address book. But this one is kind of different. No, I am not going to forward it, but it had a few messages that spoke to me. Apparently the Dalai Lama wrote these "Instructions for Life". The first one being "Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk".

This makes me think of my relationship with Chantel in so many ways. Right now everything feels so perfect, but we have so many decisions to make and actions to take if this relationship is going to work. We had a good talk on the phone today about some of those issues. The problem is that this all cannot happen simultaniously. Each thing is a major thing and to drop it all in the mix at once could be too stressful for anyone to take.

I think we both agree that the first thing that needs to happen is that she needs to get divorced from her husband. To most people this would be a "no brainer", but this is not as easy as it sounds because she needs health insurance that he is now providing. Hopefully she can get some way for him to cover her after the divorce. He states that his iinsurance company won't do it. We'll be checking this out.

She has started working on the divorce paperwork. Her husband is trying to put the breaks on, but she is determined. This is not because of me, although I am sure my presence has had an effect on the timing.

Chantel is not currently working. She has been a full time mom and homemaker for quite a few years. I am sure if she got a job she could still not afford her own place big enough for her and 3 kids. I am sure when the time comes I will be more than willing to have them move in here. I just need to get rid of my roommate. I know this is not going to happen for months, but something this big I need to think about well in advance. I don't know if everyone moving into my house is the best thing either. We have talked about getting a different house together when the time comes, but I just can't seem to warm up to that idea just yet. The fact that I am already talking about them moving in here is a huge step for me. The logistics of that alone is going to be a nightmare.

What are we going to do with all the kids? We are not sure where we will end up living. She lives up in Parker with her husband and kids right now. That is an hour drive from my door. Due to my divorce I cannot move my kids to another school district. My ex is the custodial parent even though I have them 50% of the time. Irene gets to make all the big decisions. They would still live 50% of the time with her. So if I were to get a different place where could we move and still be able to get my kids to school on the weeks I have them?

Chantel has not worked out yet if she'll have majority custody of her kids. That is what she is working toward, but she is trying to get this divorce to happen without any disputes. This could get tricky. I hope she does because I don't see her husband as someone who can handle the responsibilty. I think he knows it to, but might be the type to fight it just on his own twisted principles.

He is not a horrible guy. He and I get along ok. I have been helping set up a wireless network in their house. He asked for my help.

I started this post back on the 26th. I am finishing this a week later. Chantel and I have been quite busy together.

I know everyone is thinking that we are moving way too fast. Most people are very happy for me. I have so many friends that are just thrilled to see me in a relationship. Many of my female friends keep telling me that I am different than most men in that I am caring and respectful and sweet. I cannot argue with the description, but it makes me continue to wonder why was it so difficult to find a woman that 'gets me'?

Our friends Linda and Evans had their second son this week. We spent a few hours with them that night at the hospital. It felt very natural to just hang out with them, even at such a time. Chantel got upset with me for the first time when she told me she loved me in front of them and I did not say it back (I do in private and a bit around the kids). A friend told me that she is still insecure with the new relationship even though we are both feeling the same thing. A few hours later we were almost back to normal. I think the incident made Chantel worried that I may not really love her as much as I may seem. It is far from the case. I have a hard time saying 'I love you' in front of friends and family. It just makes me feel like I am on display. I don't know why I care. Hell, I don't even tell my mom that I love her every time I talk to her. That doesn't mean that I don't. I have never told my brother Mike that I love him, but I do. My family just doesn't say it very much. We show it all the time, we just don't say it. Maybe another bad trait passed down by dad.

I love Chantel more that I can describe. We have discussed her moving some things into my house and staying here when I have my kids, and that I may stay at her place when I don't have my kids. Her husband is my only problem with that scenario. We are both aware and both being cautious about the situation with our kids. We don't make decisions without them being in the planning.

We had another incredible weekend. The kids still get along great even though there were a couple incidents. All is well though.

Billy anounced today that he and Pam have a contract on a ouse in Connecticut. Hurray for them. I was wanted to visit them one more time in LA before they move. I was wanting to take Chantel with me, but we don't know if that will be possible.

Still looking for work. More interviews this week.