Missing my big sister...

Pawdah - my hero

Paula was an amazing person. Losing her has been a very difficult and completely humbling experience for me. I flew back to Michigan where I am originally from, to attend her memorial. So many people came for the memorial service. I was not prepared for the number of people that filed through the funeral home. I was also amazed at the number of people that came from out of town. Some that she hadn't seen in many many years. At first I was somewhat annoyed at the fact that all these people were there that I had never met, and I had to talk to them. Not something I find easy to do. Then I realized that this memoial wasn't just about my sister, or me and my family. It was about the many lives that my sister touched. She had so many friends. It amazed me how well she would keep in touch with people even when they are far away. Some in other countries. I found myself completely blow away by the fact that a person like my sister, who is not really an outgoing person, could develope such strong friendships and admiration from so many people.

When I still lived in Michigan Paula started collecting rubber stamps. She got my brother Mike and I into that a bit as well, but she was the master. I remember visiting Paula and John over the years and saw how Paula's rubber stamp collection kept growing. She started with them in old cigar boxes, then by the early 80s she had to upgrade to tackle boxes . Her collection grew to the point where She had bought this set of what I think were drawers from an old Pharmacy so that she could keep them organized. Let me tell you, my sister could organize. I wish I had a picture of these drawers. I should have taken one while I was there in December.

Paula never seemed to do anything small or half way. When she enjoyed something she went all out. She was a reader. She and John have so many books I have a hard time believing they ever have enough time to read them. Paula loved music. All kinds of music. Her CD collection is the one thing that I think rivaled her rubber stamp collection. I would love to find out just how many CDs she and John own. Her tastes in music were way out there. But whenever we were around I never heard something that I didn't like. Plenty that I had never heard. She influenced all of us siblings in what was cool music. Over the years I kind of lost track of what she was listening to, except when she would send me a disc for my birthday, or Christmas. During her memorial John and Kate plugged her iPod into a little boom box so that we could have a Paula influenced atmosphere. Some of the music reminded me of growing up. Some of it was new to me. I never thought that Paula and I had very similar tastes in music, but in the play list came songs that I totally loved, but never would have thought they would have been big in her collection. When I heard selections from Fountains of Wayne and Jellyfish, both are big favorites of mine, I felt a strange warmth. Seeing Kate sing along to "Hey Julie" brought a big smile to my face. Hearing stories from the people that she worked with was a lot of fun, even at such a sad event. I laughed hard and cried hard.

Christmas was not the same without Paula. We went back to Michigan for the holiday (which was already planned months prior). We had a great time, but we were missing a key piece to our family.

We are coming up on Paula's birthday. John and Kate are going to have a group joining them for a dim sum in Ann Arbor, which is a tradition that I hope will never end. I am going to take my kids down to Pueblo and take mom out for Chinese. If we can't be there for Paula's dim sum run then we'll have our own.

There is so much about Paula I didn't know until recently. It made me sad that I didn't live near her for all these years to share in the Paula experience. I am glad to have heard all the wonderful stories about her from her friends and John's family. Thank you all for being part of my sister's life.