Don't let the title fool you, I'm not that callous about this.
I had been in a relationship that started out years earlier just as friends. You can read the one post I made about it here.
Laura (LaLa) and I have had a fairly difficult relationship. I cared for her very much, and at one point was seriously considering popping the question. But things happen in a relationship that make you re-think things. This has happened to me many times over the last 2 and a half years. I admit that there are times that I over-think things. I try to just enjoy what I have. Unfortunately, those things that nag you in the back of your mind can be spot on.
Everyone's personalities are all very different, and sifting through the various styles, opinions, and quirks can be difficult to navigate at times. Laura is one of those people that relates to people in different ways. Many people love her. She has a fun personality when out with a group of friends. She is very boisterous, crude and always the center of attention. She says what she means no matter what others might think. Many people love that. Some people immediately dislike her because of this. I was one of the former.
Then of course there are times when she doesn't like someone. If that is the case, you will be ignored. If you are one of these people, just want to fit in and try to get along, this will irritate her. Many times to the point where she will just get in your face. It is hard to watch this when it happens. Over the last couple years I have seen it happen far too often. She has even alienated her best friend, Linda. They no longer speak because of Laura verbally attacking a guy that Linda was dating. She has little to no tact, and doesn't understand how she has lost some of her closest friends over the last couple years.
You can't change a leopard's spots.
She has told me over the years that until she moved here she mostly had close guy friends. Now that I have some hindsight I know that it is because her girl friends got tired of her judgmental shit. She is the most stubborn person I think I have ever known, and expect everyone to either bend to her will, or not call her out on her shit.
My other friend by the name of Laura (Lolly) has gotten pissed at her MANY times. But I think she just chooses to forgive her. Lolly takes it extremely hard when she loses a friend, and avoids it, even when staying friends means subjecting yourself to a load of negativity pointed right at you.
Over this past year LaLa and I have had some very rough spots. I ended things back in January for many of the same reasons I broke things off this time. She tried to treat me better, and at times I really felt good about things, but then she would just come down on me with her bullshit so hard that it was very difficult to keep my heart into this relationship.
It has also felt like she was trying to keep us together for very selfish reasons. Not because she necessarily loved me. I know she cared about me, but most of the time it seemed like she didn't dare show me. When I asked her about it, she fully admitted that she had her guard up and kept me at arms length, so to speak.
I was dealing with this knowledge for a while, and we were having minor arguments stemming from that every couple weeks. Part of me wanted to keep on trying to see if this relationship could be fixed, but then the hammer fell...
I accidentally broke a Halloween decoration of hers that was hanging in the garage as I was leaving one night. I was unaware that I did this, but when she told me in a text as I was heading home, I knew that I must have. After explaining that I didn't know I had done that, apologized, and said I would replace it, she went off. I called to calm things down, but it just got way worse.
Suffice it to say that I don't like being scolded like I'm a 15 year old kid. She wouldn't tell me what the exact item was that I broke, so I ordered 3 items with 2 day shipping, so that it would get to her before the party she was having. I am sure I spent a lot more than what ever I broke was worth. Part of me was hoping she would call me up to apologize for how she reacted, knowing her as long as I have, I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen. After all this and the struggles I've been having with her, I finally gave up on trying to make the relationship work.
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