Female Friends... Trouble or Beneficial?

Hi old friends... I am still around. Just really busy and mostly just Facebooking.


I have been really frustrated lately due to dating (big surprise). My friend Laura introduces me to her friends at parties and such. She is a good friend, but there are times where this can be a problem.



Laura gethered friends for a Cinco De Mayo this year, where I met Carrie. She is an amazing lady, and really easy to talk to. I knew I needed to get out of my shell and know this person.


Well, Carrie was receptive to getting to know me as well. She is such a sweet and kind person, and beautiful on top of that. We started off slow, which is good. We talked a lot, and then she dug deeper into my relationship with Laura. Well, being the honest guy that I am I told her how Laura and I have been friends since around 2002, and that there was a short period in 2005 where Laura and I moved things into dating. This didn't surprise Carrie, but I guess put some concerned thoughts in her head.


In subsequent days/weeks Carrie asked Laura if she cared that Carrie and I were seeing each other. Well, I guess the answer came back as something like "I am a little jealous, but I'll get over it". This did not go over well with Carrie. She didn't want to cause any friction in any of our friendships, so I was demoted to friend status. This really sucked on so many levels. I don't blame Carrie for making that call, but I am very disappointed. I do have an issue with Laura interferring.


There arn't a lot of Laura's friends that I am attracted to, so there isn't much risk of this happening again. But this now causes other problems.



The Friday before Halloween (2 days before) I was at a Halloween party at a friends house. I drove with Laura and 2 other ladies (friends of Laura) came with us along with me (mistake number 1). I don't mind driving. I do drink a little, but I would rather that I drive than trust someone else to maintain their ability to drive. I know my limits very well, and I don't tend to drink very much (well, not when driving)


I met a very pretty lady at the party. Considering I was in full Zombie attire I would not have expected anyone to be attracted to me, but Stephanie went out of her way to come meet and talk to me. I was thrilled to say the least. She was at last years party, but I really didn't get a chance to meet her then. She is very attractive.


Stephanie then told me she and her girlfriends were headed down to a club after the party and that I should meet her there. I believe the word AWESOME popped into my head. It just so happened that the band playing there is one of my favorites. The drummer I have been friends with since high school. Laura and the other ladies were originally wanting to go to a different club. The other ladies were with me on the change, but Laura was being bitchy about it. I guess I can't blame her. The band we were originally going to see is her favorite. But I am driving... Shut up and get in the car! They didn't know I had a hidden agenda.

As soon as we walked into the club I saw the other ladies on the dance floor. I didn't even hesitate as I moved right into their little group. One of the ladies, Kate, grabbed my tie, pulled me close and started a nice little dirty dancing grind on my leg. Too damn funny... and HOT! But Kate kind of scares me. I put my focus on Stephanie. We danced a lot and talked when we could, and at one point she leaned close and told me she thinks I am cute. OK, that was a good green flag, but do you see that picture? How could someone say I was cute?

During the time at the club I was getting a lot of stares from other people there. Most people were not in costume, but I got a lot of positive feedback on my get up. A lot of "Dude... that's awesome" kinds of remarks. One guy's feedback was a little too possitive. He kept talking to me when I wasn't on the dance floor with the ladies. I was wondering if maybe he thought I was someone else. So as the night progressed I was kind of getting annoyed by him. Then he asked to buy me a drink. What the fuck!? I was already done drinking from the party, but a guy asking to buy me a drink in a club full of women. I'm no idiot. I told him thanks, but no thanks. That I was done drinking for the night. He then said "Fine then, you buy me a drink". This just annoyed me. Move along.

I was standing next to one of the ladies that came along with me. Her name is Audra. We were laughing about these 2 people on the dance floor. The guy was getting a bit touchy with her. She did not seem to be enjoying it. She turned her back to the guy and was looking straight at us and mouthed "Do you know this guy?". I couldn't help but laugh really loud. Audra lean over and whispered in my ear, "I bet Laura hooks up with that guy by the end of the night". This comment confused me, but was funny. I am not sure why she said this. The Michaela, the 3rd lady I was chauffering grabbed my hand and leaded me to the dance floor.

These ladies are a lot of fun to hang out with, but I was still trying to work things with Stephanie. I found her a little while later and got her back on the dance floor. After a while we were annoyed by some of the people crowding onto the floor, so we stopped dancing. She went to see where her friends were, and I tracked down mine. What happened next was simply amazing. I looked past Audra hanging by the high top table and saw Laura making out with the guy that Audra said she would be hooking up with later. I had to ask Audra how the hell she knew this was going to happen. Does she know him? She told me that he was just the type of guy that Laura would hook up with. So now it's official, Audra is a psychic.


I ran into Laura a while later. She was clearly drunk. We talked for a bit, and then she saw Stephanie heading out the door. Laura started saying how much she hates Stephanie. I tried to find out why, but she wasn't telling me anything.

Eventually I realized that we needed to get out of there before I had a sick person in my car. I rounded everyone up and convinced them it was time. The band was finishing up their last set, so it is better to go now before there is a mass of people (mostly drunk) on the road with me at the same time.

As we walked out Laura had to talk to the guy she was making out with. I then saw Stephanie on the front patio talking to her friends. I stepped over to say goodnight. I personally don't care that Laura doesn't like her. I didn't know

I drove everyone back to Laura's. I guess the girls were doing a sleep over. Laura repeated how she cannot stand Stephanie. I don't know if maybe she saw me dancing with Stephanie or what. Laura was really getting on my nerves on the drive back to her place. Thank god I didn't have to drive everyone to their individual homes. I got home and took some Advil and showered. It took some time to get all that crap off my face. I think I got to bed around 2:30.

I woke up that morning feeling a little of the effects of the night before. I wasn't really wanting to do it all over again, but we had another party to go to that night. Laura called, but I let it go to voicemail. She wanted to know if we could drive together to the next party. UUUUGH! I need to stop doing that so that I can leave when I want... and with who I want ;)

Then I saw a friend request on Facebook from Stephanie. Some days I hate Facebook, but this was not one of them.

Needing some fun...

So much of my life is very frustrating right now.

I want to sell my house, but I am too lazy to prepare it for the market. I hear houses in the price range I am expecting are actually starting to sell fairly quickly. That's encouraging.

Work is going relatively well. My stress level is still up there, but my new boss has been great about everything. She is trying to help me to be a better manager. I never asked to be a manager, and my previous 4 bosses at this company didn't do shit to help me understand how it should be done. Now that Paula is my boss I am starting to understand that none of the previous bosses (except maybe one) were good managers either. It amazes me that this company is still surviving in these difficult times. Things are so poorly managed and inefficient that I would think we would be having major lay-offs. We have cut a few people, but surprizingly few considering the market. The good news is that projections for business in 2011 are much better.

My kids are doing well, and keeping busy. Kevin has been snowboarding a lot. Even after breaking his arm right after Christmas (it is already healed). Erik was on a Park & Rec football team last year that really pushed him. He decided this year to do a couple different things. He is playing team handball, and will begin baseball in the next month or so. He is planning on playing football again in the fall.

I have started trying to date again. It's not going very well. I don't know if it's my state of mind, or I just know what or who I want, and can't have that is influencing my thoughts. Dating doesn't feel very important to me anymore. I am still a horny bastard, but the drive to find someone doesn't seem to be there. What is wrong with me? I know some would say that I just haven't met the right person, but I think it goes deeper than that. Maybe I have become that cynical person I have tried so hard not to be all these years.

My brother in law was in Colorado for some skiing and and doing some musical gigs with some of his friends up in the mountains. He came by for a couple visits on his down days. He took a picture of me and the boys for my sister.

Getting out...

I have been happily getting out and socializing more these days. My friend Laura continues to take me to her "singles group" outings. They are a very good group of people. I was kind of expecting when Laura started inviting me to these events, that things would get ugly from time to time. Maybe it's because of the age group that most of these people are in is at a more mature level... or these people are just more respectful.

I know that Laura has dated a few of the guys from the group. And when I show up with her, I do get looked at like I am dating her. Which I am not. I think it is funny when there are guys interested in her and they see me there, they get kind of jealous and territorial. At first I kind of hung with Laura as I am a bit shy. As I met a few people I felt comfortable getting buried in deep conversations with the guys and the women in the group. Sometimes I feel like some of these conversations are like job interviews. Kind of strange, but I don't mind.

This past couple weeks I have gone to a comedy club, a Halloween party and a night at a club here in town to see a blues band and do some dancing. A lot of the same people were at these places, so I was able to remember some people's names. Well, those that I could recognize out of their costumes.

At the club the other night there was this couple that I just met at the Halloween party. I don't know if they met through the groups or what. He seemed really nice, and even understood what I do for a living (that is very rare). She was also really nice... nicer than I expected since we had just met a few days before. Maybe she was trying to make her guy jealous, I don't know. So much for being adults. I decided the best thing to do is just kind of play along as if I think she is kidding around, and make sure he thinks that too.

Another lady showed up later that I am very attracted to. She is intelligent, funny as hell (tells some great dirty jokes), and a gorgeous redhead. Her name is also Laura. She has this long distance boyfriend thing going on, but she is also very friendly to me. She is fun to talk to, but she is also kind of intimidating. I just try to be my normal self.

It kind of cracks me up how hard some of the guys try to impress the women. I just wonder if it ever really works. The hand kissing, and over the top compliment seem so phoney to me.

Dancing to me is always kind of an awkward area for me. I feel fairly comfortable on the dance floor. I dont try to do anything fancy. I never learned to swing dance. So I just keep it simple. But sometimes people look at me funny. I don't really care what they think, but it does get me a little self conscious. Maybe I am reacting wrong. Maybe they like what I am doing, but who knows. I do watch some of the guys trying to be a little hipper than they should. That is a little unnerving. I sometimes think to myself "Do I look like that?" I;ve decided that I don't.

I am not an official member of any of these groups. I think I'll keep it that way for a little while. But I think I might like getting into one of the hiking groups. For someone that has lived here in Colorado Springs for 32 years, I sure don't know where many of the good hiking trails are. I could certainly use the exercise.

The more things change, the more they stay the same

I have cut way back on my blogging, obviously. But I think some of it was because all I was doing was bitching about work. I know it must be tiring to read.

Well lately work has been "interesting". I have now been there for 3 years. Most people are amazed I am still there considering I commute almost everyday to Denver (130 mile round trip). This year I started wishing there were more jobs out there, but the fucked up economy is showing in the fact that the only job in my field that is available is yet another 45 minutes further from my house. I don't think I want a 4 hour round trip commute.

What is new is that my boss is taking a new job in the company. Many people that know about it expect that I would want his job, but I don't. My job sucks bad enough. He's been a decent boss (my 4th boss in 3 years), but he is a real pain at times. I gave him a nickname that he is unaware of. We call him "The Vortex". This is because if you get sucked into his office you may not come out for hours. This guy over analyzes shit to the point that I almost want to give in just to get the fuck away from him. But I never give in if I truly believe I am right.

Now that he is moving on, we are doing a bit of a reorganization. They don't want to replace him since it is cheaper to just force some other sucker to take on the job in addition to their current responsibilities. Yesterday it was official that all of his departments were going to report to a lady that is a VP over QA and some developement projects. She is a decent manager, but I know her technical skills are lacking. She has never pulled rank with me, but I know I have had to prove her and her people wrong on a number of situations. Since then she seems to listen to me more and more, and trust my opinions and judgement, but I know she still relies on some of her folks who I feel are completely clueless and have her fooled.

I am not upset about the reporting structure change, but I know it does mean I will have a different dynamic going on in many of my meetings with her. We'll see how it works out.

Other than that...

The kids are good. Healthy and doing well in school. Erik is playing football on a Park & Rec team. He is doing way better than I expected. His coach talked to him about losing some weight, which he is doing (he doesn't listen to me in these matters... and who am I to talk). Kevin is working a lot at McDonalds, and getting ready for a lot of snowboarding this winter.

It looks like I am not going to be going to Michigan for Christmas this year, so I think I will plan a long weekend with the kids to go skiing/boarding.

My love life is pretty empty these days. I started seeing someone that broke it off early. It was pretty disappointing because I really liked her. We had a lot in common. But if you're not feeling it, you can't force it. I've been on the other side of that, so I understand where she was with it.

A lady friend of mine that I have hardly talked to this year called me the other day. She lives in another state, so having a close relationship is very hard. We are realistic about it. The interesting thing about this particular call was that she suggested that we take a trip together. I know that if we lived in the same city, or maybe even just the same state, I wouldn't hesitate to take a trip. My dilema is that she is the type of person that I know I will fall for provided we spend a good amount of time together. So now I need to wonder if our "realistic" approach is a good thing or should we just say fuck it, and throw all previous thoughts out the window.

I am a tease... and a dumbass

I talk about blogging, and I never do.

I did finally take the kids on vacation. I think some of you know about it from Facebook. We drove to Michigan for a few days and visited my mom and sisters families. It was a good visit.

Kevin has a friend that just recently moved an hour or so from where my mom lives so I took him to see his friend. They had fun riding skateboards.

I took Erik on a canoe ride at the park my nephew and neice work at. They load you into a van with a trailer full of canoes in tow. They help you launch it into the river. Our run took about 45 minutes. We capsized the canoe 5 minutes into the run. It was pretty funny. This part of the river is pretty shallow, so it didn't take much to reach shore and dump the water.

Mom seems to be doing well, and was excited about flying to Maine with my sister the next week. I was pretty bummed that I couldn't do that with them, but I just couldn't afford it... and the boys had to get back to school that week.

I am not big into Facebook, but it has a couple mind numbing and addicting games. I kind of hate that I have gotten into that. A few old girlfriends have tracked me down on Facebook. A couple from back in the early 80s, and a couple since my divorce. I kind of feel voyeuristic being able to see what they are up to. Some of it makes me sad.

One lady in particular was the first woman I really liked after my divorce. She broke it off with me because I had a vasectomy and she thought she would want kids one day. Other than the fact that I am seedless we got along so great. We were only seeing each other for about a month. We kept in touch as friends and even met for lunch and other things a couple times. She met someone later that year. A year later they were getting married. I was happy for her, but we stopped all communication. She didn't want to give him any reason for being jealous.

Well, for some reason she looked me up on Facebook. My heart skipped a beat when I saw a note from her. I felt dirty looking through her profile. Am I crazy? I saw that she had a daughter, but then I read how her and her husband adopted their daughter. That gave me mixed feelings. I was happy that she had this beautiful daughter, but I was sad that she didn't have one herself. I'm not going to lie, part of me thought that breaking up with me for the reasons she gave were completely nullified somehow.

ANYWAY...

The boys are back in school. Kevin in his junior year in high school, and Erik is in his first year of middle school. It's all making me feel older... UGH

How the hell are you all? Anyone still reading this crap?